There are many different people in this world, some good, some bad, and some without a certain path.

I have come across these people and many others in my lifetime, although my lifetime is only a small period of 17 years I have experienced a lot.

I will not preach to you and say how my life is all gumdrops and fairy tales because that would simply be a lie.

However I am not going to say my life is all glum and dark all the time, because it’s not.

I feel like I can’t easily describe myself.

I am complex, to say the least.

Many people can easily tell you who they are and will start listing their hobbies, and favourite colours and movies, but does that really describe who there are as a person?

I could quickly tell you I love superheroes and scary movies.

I could say I love Harry Potter and Disney.

I could tell you how much I hate cliché sappy love movies, or love in general.

I could mention how I hate fake people and do not tolerate liars.

I could sit here for hours and tell you things I like and don’t like, and although those things are true, they do not describe me as a person.

So,

Who am I?

I ask myself this question at least twice a day with the same answer haunting me day and night;

I don’t know.

From the things I have described to you, you could assume I was a nerd, rebel, emo, a narcissist, a crazed fan, someone who has been hurt in the past, a human.

But how would you know for sure?

If I don’t know what I am, then how would you?

All of those things are true and at the same time none of them are.

How can people so easily tell me; “Well you’re obviously human being”

How do you know for sure?

I don’t feel human most of the time.

Does that make me an alien?

I don’t know, but I’m sure you’d be able to quickly tell me I am not an alien and try to prove me wrong.

I’d agree with you, I am not an alien.

But what am I?

If I don’t know what I am, then please explain how you feel you can define me as a person just by your opinion?

What gives you a right to judge me?

My worth is not defined by your judgements and opinions of me.

So please stop acting like it is.

Why do people feel the need to give me ***** looks on the street or in the hallways?

You may think I don’t notice you chuckling to yourself before whispering nasty things to your friends.

But please know as you snicker with your friends and mock me, I am well aware of what you are doing, but I do not have the energy to waste my breath on people who don’t matter.

Even as I write this, people snicker, and point

They stare and laugh, then they whisper to their friend and then they both laugh at my expense.

What have I done to wrong them?

Nothing.

Simply a bystander in my own life.

I feel like an outsider, looking in watching day by day to see what will happen next, but not being able to change anything.

I know of course if I want to do something I can just do it, but I feel as if I have no control over my own life.

Just living as a minor character in someone else’s story.

When will I get to be the protagonist in my own story?

When will I figure out who I am?

I don’t know who I am as a person and I fear I may never know.

People come and go in life and each of them leave behind a valuable lesson to learn from.

My friends have shaped me to be the person I am today, and even though I don’t know who that is yet, it would have been a much longer journey without their presence.

The people I hate have also played a part in making me the person I am today, showing me I need to always have my walls built high and strong so no one can break them.

They have showed me to never let my guard down.

The people who snicker and stare as I walk down the streets or hallways have showed me I don’t even have to say or do anything for people to judge me.

They showed me to stay silent and not to bother trying to explain myself to little minded people.

So I may not know who I am and I may never know

But at least I know who I can trust and who not to waste my time on.

These people have showed me that my words can be beautifully written and poorly spoken.

– Words that are Beautifully Written but Poorly Spoken // F.C.