I thought you'd always have my back
"Till the end of time" we'd say
I believed it until you proved me wrong that day
How foolish of me..
Your man tried to set me up with his friend
I didn't want to, but I didn't want to be rude
That was my downfall in the end
You left us alone, and he thought the fun had just begun
I kept saying no but had nowhere to run
We played this game of cat and mouse
All around the comfort of your house
I couldn't escape, I kept saying no
He would stop for a minute then continue to go
He kept touching me and violating my body and space
When I told you, you said "that can't be the case"
At one point you both said to him
"you're lucky it happened to her and not somebody else, cause she has people who can vouch for you.
Otherwise you could have a charge put on you"
That statement shattered an already broken soul.
I don't feel lucky at all.
I was never asked or given the option to press charges, the decision was made for me.
They tried to say "he's a good guy" and "I've known him for 15 years, he's not an animal"
The experience I had with him is he assaulted me.
He groped, touched and tried to force himself onto me
For hours after I constantly said no.
I can't just let that go
Just because he didn't actually **** me doesn't mean the trauma of the assault is lessened.
It felt as if you were both protecting my assailant
More than you were protecting me.
I didn't ask for this to happen
I didn't deserve this
You both said you'd cut him off
But you told him you'd only distance yourself for "a bit"
That feels like you spit in my face
You're still both friends on Facebook
I can't even stand to look
You said youd have my back till the end of time.
Turns out you meant
Until your boyfriend's friend
– Protecting my Assailant // F.C.
I'm sorry I wasn't good enough.
I'm sorry my mind isn't healthy
I'm sorry I shut down and get quiet
I'm sorry you've taken that personally
I'm sorry I don't know how to say I need help...
I'm sorry I've become another stress in your life
I'm sorry I get moody and anxious
I'm sorry I have depression
I'm sorry my depression isn't being managed
I'm sorry you think I'm ignoring you
I'm sorry I'm on my phone a lot
I'm sorry that scrolling on my phone comes across as rude, when really I just need to keep my hands busy.
I'm sorry I can be very self conscious
I'm sorry our "honeymoon" phase died down
I'm sorry you think I only want *** from you
I'm sorry we fight over stupid ****
I'm sorry I can't seem to do anything right
Most of all I'm sorry I'm hard to love...
– I'm sorry... // F.C.
We had a connection
Started off as friends.
Turned into lovers
But you were never mine.
You said you weren't ready
To be in another relationship
So this was just for fun
Nothing ever to come from it.
But you treated me as more.
More than just a ****
We were drawn to each other
And I think that scared you.
You laid beside me naked
Exposing your darkest thoughts
And told me you were happy
But clearly not happy enough.
You kissed the top of my head
Something only couples do.
Not something you do,
If I'm just a *******.
There was a spark
You felt it too
Then you became distant
And ran into the arms of another.
Leaving me broken
Longing for you
Wishing you chose me instead
But I'll wear a smile
And still be your friend
Because that's the only way
To keep you in my life.
I wish I was good enough.
I want our passion
But I wasn't the one
I'm not anybodys number 1
– It was Never me // F.C.
I put laid my cards on the table
Told you how I felt about you
Made a bet that you'd like me back
But you said you don't play poker
And you didn't feel the same way
"I can't blame you for how you feel, but I don't feel the same way"
Were your exact words
Well ****, I lost that bet.
Thanks for being honest with me
And truly I don't blame you, because if I were you I wouldn't like me either
– Bets Don't Always Pay Off // F.C.
Why is it easier for us to accept someone's half assed "I'm fine"s rather than actually help and say "I know you aren't"
It is easier to walk away when someone saying they're fine because we don't actually care when we ask someone if they are ok
Which is why it scares us when people aren't "fine" because that isn't the status quo and god forbid if anyone in today's society isn't normal
So we will continue to say we are fine with tears running down our cheeks and blood running from our wrists
And we will continue to turn a blind eye when someone tells us "I'm fine" when they have a knife in hand
Because it is culturally expected that we continue to be "fine"
– I'm Fine // F.C.
Is anyone actually fine?
I feel like a black hole
Lost in the void of reality
Never to be seen or discovered
Constantly trying to give my life meaning
Only to disappear in the crowd
I scream out for help for anyone to notice
But I am invisible, you see right through me
I'm an endless vacant waste of space
I'm bleeding out my insecurities and fears
But still nobody takes a second to see if I'm really here
If I really was nonexistent would anybody really notice?
Or would you continue to go about your day?
The sun will rise and society will continue to act as if we aren't aware of the darkness and destruction within ourselves.
– Blackholes // F.C.
I'm torn between two hearts
Each offering something different
Each pure and true.
The first one I've had for a while
He has childlike wonder
But he is a loose canon
And it is time to grow up
The second is newer but just as special
He is new and exciting
But also secure and safe
He is the more stable option.
I'm in a position where I can have my cake
And eat it too.
But I am selfish and still want more.
I want to know what the future holds
Between myself and these two hearts.
Each path a decent choice
But vastly different
Unpredictable and steady?
Or new and secure?
I wish I could combine both hearts
And then I'd truly be happy
But a decision needs to be made
And it may ruin both hearts
In the process
– Two Hearts // F.C.