I draw my right arm close to my side ....Hold it tightly at the wrist with my left hand , signing for prescriptions that enable me to perform feats of physical ingenuity to get through my dark days ...Visibly shake at the checkout counter ,trying not to be seen or run away ! Check the yard hoping nothing is there ... Focus on one object , ride out vertigo , comb my hair every hour on the hour , make sure the water is still on ...... Eat pre-prepared meals , choke it down with water , drink black coffee in order to maintain my balance .. Look at the same ten photographs from another time and place , dust each picture , put them back in the exact location ...Check my face and arms for signs of disease , run fingers through my hair in search of parasites ....Count every step down the basement stairs to keep my self in order , walk the entire area looking for potential problems.. ....In between security checks I find the time to write ...The only thing in my life that really seems to help.. The insanity makes the write and the write reveals the insanity at times ....