Oct 2015
I'm starting to forget the sound of her voice and I have nothing to jog my memory because where I stored our love no longer exists. It shattered to pieces the minute my heart stopped beating.
2. I told my 14 year old brother that I might be moving to Michigan and all he could say was "Please Jackie, don't leave again."
3. My dad is trying to stay sober and I'm trying not to stay sober. Our actions are clashing back and forth like the ocean during a hurricane. We are way too similar and that scares the crap out of me and yet I do nothing to change myself.
4. I'm terrible at cutting people off. Especially the ones who ripped my whole world a part. I think it's because I think I deserve it. I cheer on the pain like it's a marathon runner on his last mile. I search for it in everything. More importantly I search for it in girls with big eyes and sweet smiles.
5. As soon as I make progress I turn right back around and walk straight into everything that's killing me. I am a storm chaser. While others are trying to get as far away from everything that hurts I walk right alongside it because it's familiar and new things scare me.
6. I process my entire life in my head. Every detail of a break up, every second of that one time I thought I was falling in love but really I was using her to keep myself together. We both ended up falling apart. My mind is a machine on overdrive. A high functioning factory that continues to produce parts despite the fact that it's been closed for about 7 years now.
7. My thoughts destroy me because if I go down I want it to be my fault. I don't want anyone to think that they broke me because they didn't know that I was never really put together in the first place.
2. I told my 14 year old brother that I might be moving to Michigan and all he could say was "Please Jackie, don't leave again."
3. My dad is trying to stay sober and I'm trying not to stay sober. Our actions are clashing back and forth like the ocean during a hurricane. We are way too similar and that scares the crap out of me and yet I do nothing to change myself.
4. I'm terrible at cutting people off. Especially the ones who ripped my whole world a part. I think it's because I think I deserve it. I cheer on the pain like it's a marathon runner on his last mile. I search for it in everything. More importantly I search for it in girls with big eyes and sweet smiles.
5. As soon as I make progress I turn right back around and walk straight into everything that's killing me. I am a storm chaser. While others are trying to get as far away from everything that hurts I walk right alongside it because it's familiar and new things scare me.
6. I process my entire life in my head. Every detail of a break up, every second of that one time I thought I was falling in love but really I was using her to keep myself together. We both ended up falling apart. My mind is a machine on overdrive. A high functioning factory that continues to produce parts despite the fact that it's been closed for about 7 years now.
7. My thoughts destroy me because if I go down I want it to be my fault. I don't want anyone to think that they broke me because they didn't know that I was never really put together in the first place.
