I want to love you

But the world feels like a bigger space
Bigger than an uncertain future
Bigger than us
Like a crossroad with no directions
and I'm a car at full speed with no brakes

I want to love you

But do I really want to?
When the voices outside my head are so loud I can't even hear my own
Like four corners of a wall
Closing in 'til all I see is a life where everything from dust to majestic castles has to have your name written on them

What about my name?
What about the dreams I will myself to dream every night when I finally stopped hating own reflection?
Those dreams didn't include you

You are a ship
Forever moving but constant
You cross seas with your own world inside of you
I'm just the waves you cut across
A mix of still bright blues and gloomy thunderstorms
I have no direction
I'm all over the place

I want to love you

But, really, what is love,
If I lose grip of everything that holds me tight
If I make graveyards out of gardens
And break people's hearts the same amount of times I break my mine

I want to love you

With a love people lose sleep over for
A love that makes the empty space and cold pillows warm with childlike hope
A beautiful kind of love
Genuine and pure like your eyes and your intentions
I don't know if I can handle it with calloused hands and a bitter heart

I want to love you
With all the love you deserve
But how can I
When love is a tall building
And I'm scared to death of heights