i miss the gentle hugs
   and eyes offering reassurance

i miss
   the comfort of a cozy chair
with room enough for two
    and the smell of food
being cooked

i miss the closing of doors
   and the snoring at night
closing my eyes and craving sleep
   then secretly smiling
when you turn over with a poke

i miss the shower going on at 5 am
and the door closing at 6

i miss your corny jokes
and the smell of you after a hard day at work

i miss your calm when i was angry
   and your common sense
when the world seemed senseless

i miss the beat of my heart
   when i'd think of you
and the sense of peace i felt
   when i heard you come through the door

but what i don't miss

is the nagging pang in my gut
   and the knowing in my heart
that you weren't coming home

i don't miss the crying episodes
   and the disappointment
after broken promises

i don't miss having to share you
   with many
and offering explanations
   to why i haven't left

i don't miss
   the humiliations
      the aloneness
         the lies
and the cheating

i don't miss
your breast pounding
to prove you're a man
   and the negligence i came to expect
the late night phone calls
   from women i'd never met
but who knew intimate details
   of the life we'd shared

there's so much i miss
   but so much more i don't

but in my mind
i still hug and smile at
that young boy
i fell in love with
so, so many years ago.