why him?*

what did he do to deserve this?
how could you take someone so precious? so perfect and pure?
do you even care?

do you even care that he left behind a family, people who love, need and miss him?

do you care that he was mine?
do you even care at all?

no.

i need him! he was all i had!

i need him back...

why? just tell me why!

don't you dare tell me it was his time.
don't tell me this happened for a reason.
don't tell me he's in a better place.

he should be here, in my arms, he made my world so much brighter.

HE WAS MY SON.

my sunrise and sunset.
my whole world.

he is all i have left.

can i have him back?

please just let me hold him one more time, kiss him one more time, look into his eyes one more time and snuggle with him one last time.

one more time.

i a  numb.
numb
.
NUMB.

nothing.
no happiness.
no love.
no pain.

just darkness.

nothing but darkness is swirling around in that pretty little head of mine.

my love pulls me close, his arms are the glue holding me together.

i bury my head in his shoulder and beg the memories to leave me alone.
stop haunting me, stop following me, stop torturing me.

please just leave me the hell alone!

i can barely pull myself from bed and stop crying let alone look at my boy's empty room and think of the night when i killed him.

i gasp for breath as i cry, he holds me to him and kisses my head over and over, rubbing my back and holding my hand

i held him in my arms as he died.
i didn't save him.

i didn't do anything.
i couldn't.

but he's gone and i didn't do anything about it.