Ten,
He casts his eyes down quickly,
but not before you catch
the soft liquid-gold
turn to solid ice.

Nine,
Taste the bitter apology on
your quivering lip.
Bite down.
Let it bleed.
Just don't let him see you
fall apart.

Eight,
Pick up a book
and feign indifference,
while he does the same.
Do not cry.
Do not speak.
Do not let him see
how much he is hurting you.

Seven,
glance up at him,
and try to catch his eye.
Wonder for the hundredth time
what you did wrong.

Six,
Hang up
When you begin to dig
your nails into the flesh of your hands.
Find the old orange lighter
you save for birthday candles.
Let the flames lick across your skin in brilliant color.
Anything to stay warm.

Five,
Count the seconds by the chattering of your teeth.
Wrap your frail arms around your trembling torso.

Four,
Stare back at the tear-streaked face in the mirror.
Hypnotized by blood shot eyes
and scorched veins.

Three,
Grip the dull blade,
in your mangled hand.
Paint poetry
in scarlet ink.
Between pieces of broken skin.

Two,
Squirm at the discomfort
of lacerated wrists.
Feel the hatred metastasize,
for every place he looked at you
in disgust.

One,
Remember the time
you told him
you hate the cold.