it's difficult to explain the inner workings of your mind
when you feel like you're living your entire life
floating through time, not exactly here
but not sure where

conversations consist of incoherent thoughts and words
nothing strings together quite like it used to
poetry isn't an outlet anymore
it's a way of ensuring words won't fail me all the time

feeling let down by my own dissonance
the inside of my head isn't in tune with the outside of my head
my thoughts don't match my actions
my words don't fit with my thoughts

mental illness or drugs? or what?
I don't know anymore, I'm not sure I ever really did
I can't get a grip on the world, and my thoughts betray me
as I'm screaming my favourite songs from the top of my lungs

I say what I mean but don't mean what I say, was I right no?
no
can't connect to the music like I used to
can't feel in the way that I want to

numb to everything outside of my mind
can't find my bearing outside of my mind
safer inside than outside my mind
can't get away from the thoughts plaguing my mind
stuck inside