this would have been my year
had i not given up
could've answered all those emails
but i let them pile up
now im in a purple room
with wooden floors,
avoiding certain boards
cause im sick of splinters
and im staring at my apathy
staring back at me in a
pocket mirror,
from a mattress
full of metal springs
and im wondering how
one can be so ******* full
of misery and yet so ******* bored
cause i thought if i learned to feel again,
id go for a walk or a drink
but i haven't moved in three hours
and i don't think i want to
cause as far as i can see
there's not much to see,
not much to see
so ill keep calling
and hanging up
cause i don't actually want to talk
i just want to wake you up,
i just want to know that you've got
your pretty face in that bright yellow phone,
cause that's not much better
than where ive been lately
"where have you been lately"
i can hear you from three states away
screaming into your pillow
and if i focus hard enough,
these black sheets
are the navy blue ocean
and if i focus hard enough,
my lungs are collapsing
and if i focus hard enough,
i can feel calm
maybe for a minute
or two
cause if i focus hard enough,
i sink like an anchor
and where the sun can't reach me,
neither can you