somewhere over two packs a day
budget smokes
tobacco and chemicals swept up off the plant floor
combines with well over one thousand gallons of Jim Beam
hate-fest on the liver and lungs –
from under twenty the ******* and LSD
sherm’s with the break dancers
in the Frisco Bay
years of **** abuse
both via the nose,
and also from a foil tube
………….
and then the ****** –

50 plus years old in an emergency room
looking at pictures
of  10% heart function
fuzzy, grainy, distorted,
and true…
major life changes ensue
through with smoking and eating garbage
afraid of road rage
and defibrillation
sitting in a basement
thinking about my cannabis oil
and a November trip to Colorado. –

phone calls to friends expressing a new version
telling the youth the lifestyle isn’t always the way
living fast and dying young
doesn’t always work
rarely leaves a pretty corpse
and won’t make you any more of a badass….
to live one’s life to the fullest
each and every day
with no consideration for the outcome
sometimes has you looking at pictures
of healthy lungs
plaque free arteries
a clean liver
and only 10% heart function –

Images I have never seen
waltz through my mind
slowly turning and moving to and fro
one, two, three
one, two, three
the rhythm matching the unevenness
of his most important muscle
I sit quietly on the edge of my bed
thinking over a lifetime and my best dear friend
I hope we make it to November. –