Relapse. Rebuild. Repeat.
Relapse. Rebuild. Repeat.
Relapse. Rebuild. Repeat.

You were destined to be like your father.
7 months sober
the cycle etched inside your bones took hold
and you turned into that girl again.
You tell yourself you just like the taste
but each sip gets more bitter to swallow.
Self-Sabotage is your second nature,
Self-Control is the first.
But sometimes they forget their place in line
switching roles they both know so well
just to see if they can adapt.

Relapse.
Self-Control took a paid vacation
and I'm stuck doing the paperwork.

Rebuild.
Because losing yourself happens way too often
with a mind built on inconsistency like mine.

Repeat.
The same mistake until eventually you learn-
you've never really been one to lose control.

Repeat.
Until this feeling of shame takes you over
and you realize-
addiction can happen even with your eyes closed.
You can try to run from its grasp
but the 40 bottle is heavy
and your heart is too-
so you drink in hopes to fill that empty hole
that makes every emotion feel so sinking-
to fill that empty hole again and again
so eventually you feel whole.
What does whole feel like?

Repeat.
Until the cycle doesn't feel routine.

Repeat.
Until you ******* get it right
and you don't need to repeat the same
******* mistakes.

Rebuild.
Because repetition doesn't need to happen
more than twice.

Rebuild.
Until this is the last step you take
to building your backbone.
Stand up straight.