Sometimes when I think about you I get really sad. I'm sure to you that means we'll never work out and that's a sad ******* thought to me. I've seen it happen those miserable days where I felt more vacant than I should and well, I can tell they're starting over. It's hard, yah know.

Watching you painfully avert your eyes
Feeling you watch me avert mine.
I can't further describe hell any better. I can see it. I know you can, too.
Baby, yes, baby. I love you.

We were a home.
We still are.


I'm hungry. I haven't eaten since we binged last night.
I know you'll get worried.
But just for today.
I'm punishing myself.
I'm sorry that I'm not comfortable in public.
I've been really trying to fix it.

Fears as I contemplate swallowing my pride and giving it and taking the pills that would make me who you want.
I really can't say I'm excited but I'll follow a schedule. For you. For you I'd do anything. I'd become whatever you asked to keep you at my side. You're far from a possession. I've never looked at you as one. Rachel please. Baby please, come back to me.
My arm miss your cool skin.
My chest misses your beautiful hair.

I wish you know what you meant to me. I wish you felt how hurt I am so you knew exactly how much you mean. I haven't cried yet. I'm waiting for tonight when I get off work. I'm gonna go on a walk find somewhere and breakdown and with a stiff drink, I'll cry even harder.
I wonder how you could see me this miserable and think I don't love you.
I would bleed myself dry if you needed to have a body's worth of blood to save you.
I'm so in love with you.
I'm so happy with you.
I'm doing my best to give you the consistency you want.
I'm doing my best to cope with my anxiety.
I know trying not enough to prove I love you.
But how will you know I can change if you aren't there to see how much I can and will change.
Rachel, my love, baby, my dearest love, my best friend. Please.

I'm here I'm waiting and I'm fighting for us. Please don't give up on us, on me. I'll do whatever you want. I'll wash the dishes and make the bed I'll hold you tighter I'll kiss you longer. I love you so much. Please hear my pleas.