i have spent my entire life being sad solely because it is familiar
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once i cried for 13 months over an 8 month relationship that ended within a phone call
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i wasn't ***** but they stole something from me and i don't know if i'll ever get it back
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sometimes i refuse to wash the clothes that you've touched and i just say that i forgot
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showers used to give me panic attacks and instead of seeing a therapist i cut all my hair off
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i sleep on my stomach in hopes that even just once someone would check to make sure i'm still breathing
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i get on buses alone in the middle of the night just so i can feel unknown to something else again
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when i told my father that i was feeling scared again he couldn't understand why it was so relieving
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i push people away and then i cry when they fall into someone else
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i'm terrified of adulthood so i stopped celebrating birthdays in hopes that they would take the hint too
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