i have spent my entire life being sad solely because it is familiar - once i cried for 13 months over an 8 month relationship that ended within a phone call - i wasn't ***** but they stole something from me and i don't know if i'll ever get it back - sometimes i refuse to wash the clothes that you've touched and i just say that i forgot - showers used to give me panic attacks and instead of seeing a therapist i cut all my hair off - i sleep on my stomach in hopes that even just once someone would check to make sure i'm still breathing - i get on buses alone in the middle of the night just so i can feel unknown to something else again - when i told my father that i was feeling scared again he couldn't understand why it was so relieving - i push people away and then i cry when they fall into someone else - i'm terrified of adulthood so i stopped celebrating birthdays in hopes that they would take the hint too -
this barely makes sense to me, but i guess poetry doesn't have to.