you feel the tightening of your chest and the knots in your stomach, the lump in your throat getting bigger. all of a sudden you're drowning, but everyone around you is breathing. the crushing sensation settles over your chest and your vision is blurred . your ears are buzzing, not picking up on what anyone is saying. you can no longer breathe, but the pain gets stronger. you know that any minute you'll be blinded by how much your chest hurts. but then suddenly you see the one who saves you, but there's a twist to it. a sharp blade replaces who was meant to save you, the ocean you're drowning in is replaced by your mind, and so as you drag the blade over your skin over and over and over and over again until the only thing you can see is thick red blood, you can breathe again. the sun shines and colors seem brighter. you look down at your blood stained clothes but at this point the wave of regret gets smaller and smaller with every drop. you're too far gone to be saved, but you somehow feel alive.