she says it’s not healthy

and I can’t help but wonder
if she means loving girls I know will never love me back or
all the things I use to substitute so they don’t have to

she says she won’t kiss me with dip in my mouth or after I smoke a cigarette
I never really assumed she would

I know my habits are unattractive
constant nose bleeds and being so ******* angry all the time

she says it’s not healthy
I wonder why she even cares

she only says she loves me when she wants something
like *** or for me to quit drinking so much

she always complains that I taste like my depression
that I hold her with shaky hands and my smile seems to tremble with them

she says it’s not healthy
to keep living like this

I argue that at least I’m living