I fought off the darkness for so long
But I am certain I was never so strong
The beating of my heart was ever so weak
Old hopes and dreams played out so wrong

So I kept to myself to master myself
I kept to myself to control my shadow
I crept in silence to maintain my dignity
What she did brought out the fear in me

Locked my doors and shut the shutters
Laughed so manically that strangers shuddered
And all the while I kept my wild child
Undercover and avoided any real lovers

I self-inflicted new scars and torture
I self-medicated and self-educated
I gladly admitted to myself I was crazy
But I’d never pass that madness
On to anyone especially a baby

It took twenty plus years
To conquer my fears
To conquer those nightmares
To wipe away ****** tears
And now I find that I cleared my mind
But there is no one worthwhile
To share it with