Squeezing
a heart held hostage
so tightly
is it held back
from expression
Held away from the pain
from its expectation
inadequate
the entirety of how I feel
for you are too good
far too kind and generous
to ever love a thing
like me
I am so very broken
everything wrong
a desperate soul
so afraid
for the first time in my
miserable life
I am truly afraid
that there are no more
tomorrows
no where left to look
that I am done
(what I have done)
that I am used up
alone, forgotten, discarded
trash in a ****** world
blending in so well
becoming what
I was always told I was
told to be
so many times
before I even knew you
abused and forsaken
the only way I knew
that any happiness
all love
was fleeting and terrifying
and to be avoided
though my loving heart
will never let it be
Then there was you
with your light, life
kindness
when you didn't have to be kind
I can never repay you
no one can
no one is worthy to stand
by your side as an equal
and maybe one day I'll learn
how to properly esteem
and repay you
but for now all I know
is how to love you
from over here
away from that light
to take care of your needs
small as they are
a squire of sorts
a housekeeper, a maid
and a friend
a friend who will follow you
anywhere you choose to go
shadowing your way
defending you to those
who do not want to see you
for the generous soul you are
for being the mirror
no one wants to look into
because no one wants to see
themselves reflected by you
so sharply, such contrast
yet with such patience and kindness
you are truly wonderful
a wonder
a gift
to be cherished
appreciated at every turn
and I can never repay you
for all the kindness you have done
because when I looked into that mirror
I saw where I could be
where you see me
that something was inside of me
that wasn't broken
wasn't worthless
and you are here
helping me
caring about me
loving me
and I can never repay you
and that is the only truth you've given me
that I don't know if I can bear.