I've weighed the pranks: Pulling out a chair; Flooded fairways; Skunky beer; Onion candy apples; Mayo in cream-filled donuts; Lubricating jelly in handwash; Polyurethaning soap; Baking soda in ketchup bottles; Flushing while the shower's in use; Sending a welcome card on behalf of your friend to Kingdom Hall; Eliot was right, Snow in April is the cruelest.