I remember when it started.
She was always so terrible towards me, a horrible friend.
But I stayed because I had no one else.
And she understood, she cared.
And every time I went by her house
she would scold me for eating.
She was skinny
And I was... Me.
And if I wanted to be pretty,
Then I had to be like her.
I had to let my hair fall out,
And let my body temperature drop,
And I had to count calories,
Because if I didn't,
Then nobody would ever love me.
I remember her like it was yesterday.
I had a crush on her abusive brother,
Because I thought it was cute that when I said "No"
He would always say, "oh come on, you know you love the attention."
I didn't understand then that I would carry this,
That every time things get hard,
I restrict and I don't let myself eat.
It's a way for me to feel control I guess,
Because I always did love control.
I just never had any.
I'm trying my best to overcome this,
But it's so hard.
If eating didn't make me sick,
Then maybe I could.
But I just can't stop thinking about
the way she would yell at me
and tell me all of those horrible things,
Even when I begged and pleaded for her to stop.
I realize now that she was not a friend,
She was a demon in a girls body.