sometimes it is hard to be a person

trashing my bedroom because
i lost my photo album
full of pictures of my dad and i
and the speeches my uncles made
at his funeral

laying on the couch and watching tv
crying when a character attempts to end it all
because i'm taken back to october
and the hopes of what would have happened
if he decided not to jump

getting accepted into 9/10 of the colleges i applied to
and having no idea what to do next
desperate desire to talk to him
or voice how terrified i am to my family
but trapped inside myself

it is very hard to be a person