i remember days where i curled into corners and pressed against walls to hide from things i couldn't get away from and i remember your scowl when you found me and your pathetic excuses and the way you looked at me as you told me to stop because i wasn't allowed to be upset.

i remember being home alone with you and how the one time i stood up to you i didn't stutter but your shouting about respect shut me up and i don't always flinch when you ball your fists anymore but i would be lying if i said that i'm no longer terrified when you raise your voice.

i remember failing to blink back tears and trying to pretend i could escape as you dragged me to the bathroom and said that i was being ugly because i said no when i wasn't allowed to, and i remember feeling like the ground was shaking because you looked at me like i was a failure and god i believe(d) you.