weight on my chest,
you were the breath i was afraid to take in the dark
the smoke in my lungs
          and in my heart
you are a slow death.
a calm trickle of rain on my window,
a hesitant grasp on the reality of a situation,
a “maybe tomorrow”

you are exhalation,
my widening eyelids,
your sudden finality

you are an exploration,
the bottom of the ocean,
the bottom of a bottle
my only fear,
my only solitude

you are the ringing in my ears,
the silence i no longer rely on