i turn on that one song, the one that has made me cry from the very beginning, and i drive. i look around in the darkness, flashing my lights onto the empty road to see if maybe somebody will respond. but nobody does, and the song goes on. the piano tune goes around a few times and i pay close attention to each sound. the three notes find their way into my throat, and i hum them to myself as i remember that night in the bathtub, the night i couldnt stay inside myself. suddenly i feel that way now, where i cant stand the feeling of being inside my own skin. the anxiety builds up and i sing the three notes louder. they dont comfort me. louder. they make me angry. louder. they suffocate me. louder. now im screaming inside my car, listening to the way my voice has weakened from all the nights like this. my voice struggles within my throat and i press the gas. the song starts over.