Midnight again
Exasperated sigh from the insomnia
I find myself staring at a blank piece of paper, pen in my hand
Thoughts of you flooding my mind again
What can I write that I haven't already said
How many different ways can I express my desire for you and the heartache from not having you
Well not having you to myself
I guess the exhausted question is, is it better to have a piece of you or would it be better to just wash my hands of this completely?
I'm alone
And you're never alone
When we're together, I can force myself to forget that there's someone else
I force myself to stay in that moment of just you and me
And the feelings I get are so euphoric
I feel so happy
And I begin to fantasize that it could be this way forever
How insanely ridiculous to set myself up that way
Cause you leave, and the torment starts all over again
I miss you as if I haven't seen you in months
And I kick myself because this is all my fault
If I had just walked away all the times I told myself I should
After all the times I'd say I was done
But I just can't
My life doesn't feel right without you in it
Maybe it's the excitement of the chase
Or the overwhelming loneliness I feel and fear in general
I wonder if I gave you an ultimatum
If I made you choose life with me and just me
Or life without me at all
If you'd realize you fear life without me too
Or if you'd walk away with no hesitation at all
Every time I try to ask
My mouth goes dry
I can barely swallow the lump in my throat
It's like I can't breathe
So I save it for another day
And another
And then another
And despite my procrastination
Daylight has begun to creep through the night sky
It's another day
Another chance for resolution, no matter how bitter
But if I never find the backbone to ask you...
Will I ever find the strength to leave you.....