10:17
and it's already a bad night.
not gonna lie it could probably
top the charts
for one of the worst.

it started out as just some tears.
and then the gasping for breathe.
and then mentally close up my throat--
giving myself a real challenge to breathe.
and then i start getting physical chest pains.
because my chest is so used to going up to bring air in and back down to let that **** out.
real bad chest aches.
so i tried banging on my chest.
you know, givin it a little kick to work.
and i knew my chest hurt on the inside.
and i could feel my chest hurt on the outside now-- probably from my punches.
and then i started to notice
it felt good.*
so i kept hitting.
and hitting.
all while i'm trying to breathe.
but my mind won't let me.
i begin to use all of my energy.
i'm trying to rip off all of my skin.
and get rid of every place i've been touched.
i had to have been making some progress.
being that i felt the skin under my nails.
and i could feel every body part inflaming.
so i kept going.
and going.
but then i must've started to shut down.
mentally and physically i think.
idk it's all a blur.
i think i lost my vision for a little.
and probably my hearing.
either that or my six minute song skipped the middle three.
idk i'm still so unsure.*
but to say the least i collapsed.
physically for sure.
because i was on the ground.
and all i wanted was to go lower.
imagine this:
i'm crumpled up.
laying on my bottom floor.
begging god.
to let me go just two yards deeper.

please, god.
just let me go.
six feet under.