I laid down in the sand, and only to see.
I heard my name and there you called for me.
The people I knew were all there.
You asked me to throw the ball with you and you offered me
a beach chair.
I laid back down as people smiled and weren't bothered by me.
You were so excited that I arrived, not at all worried.
I closed my eyes, but I woke up the sun had such a strong beam.
Everyone talked amongst themselves, you played with kids I never met,
it was only a dream.
I got up from my towel and watched you play ball.
I asked to join, you said no. I felt my self esteem fall.
I stood alone never knowing that loneliness was a better place.
Vacation was time to relax, but this seemed like time to waste.
Not introduced, not allowed to be near.
I'd join the adult conversations, but I am not one
whom they want to hear.
This is promoting my noticeable insecurity.
So tempted but can't bear to say, you really hurt me.
Not a chance to play ball, only to let you succeed.
I gave you a successful situation, if that is what you need.
Since I still feel I am your friend I respect your wish.
Granted as I go in the ocean alone, I'm a lonely fish.
The dream I had of being included was imaginable and self made.
Hard to tell if I grew up since I didn't follow you, instead,
I stayed.
I did my part, you had your fun, playing football with them in the beach fog.
Spoke to me wide eyed and commanding as if I were a dog.
Your brilliance is there, I heard it all before.
Your lessons are meaningful, but nothing I choose to care for.
I felt and saw the real you and how you changed and how it is going to be.
I'll never forget our friendship,
so maybe one day, again, you will dream
of me.