It started.
The depression, The "I don't want to talk. Let me sleep" feeling.
Losing me slowly, going down a spiral leisurely. Falling away from Family, Friends, Lovers; Letting the dark overcome me and begin to simmer.

At night it really is worse,
Laying in bed, stuck inside my own head,
Just repeating to Cut, Cut, Cut, Cut your skin;
Cut it and let your inside pain seep out.
So I do.
I let the dark drip from the inside out
And as the blood seeps from my Wrists, my Thighs, my Hips,
          I Feel A Relief.
It washes over me in scarlet red, As I sit there in my own darkness,
As I sit there reminding myself that this is right;
My pain feels right because in my head I am a Disappointment,
I am a Failure, a Liar, a *****, A Fake. I have
sinned and the only way to live with what I have done is to destroy myself from the inside out.

     And when my pain is no longer relieved from the tip of a knife, I find alternatives.
   It starts with a cigarette; Three a day, Don't want to become addicted.
But as time goes, they become my friend; Always there, Always bright to see me and happy to flow through my lungs. Pretty soon I go for more. And more. And more;
Until they become as dull as my blade Leaving me to fend against myself.

****; ******; Ecstasy; Adderall. Whatever I could Take or Smoke or Inject,
To drown out my thoughts;
Disappointment. Failure. Liar. *****. Fake.
The drugs give a numbing effect. No pain, but no happiness.

I do not want to die. I do not wish to not exist.
Yet I do not want to be Saved either. No Princess-In-Shining-Armor; there is no returning from this spiral, a one-way down hill trip.
       I feel myself fall faster and faster while
Struggling for breath as I close into myself;

So be careful not to let the others see. Don't let them see the real you.
Who would choose to be around a Disappointment, a Failure, a Liar, a *****, a Fake?