I have fallen into the pit.
And as I stretch my arms and hope for wing I remember I am no angel. Flailing through the air I hold my breath denying the loneliness in that hangs there. I am not lonely! I scream in my head though the only thing that  passes my lips are the silent sobs and gasps of the tears that streak my face. The pit is not silent. You would think with no one around there would be no words but the voices in my head say differently. They pick my every flaw. They strip me of my hope and inhibition and it is they who pointed out my lonely pit.  They  where the ones who pushed me into the pit in the first place, after all.
Monophobia. Philophobia.
Together they morphed and created a pit for me to fall in. And they mock as I begin to hope for a rescuer, I have to wings and they pit has no end.  I want to be saved but  I do not want to fall in love. It hurts too much.
Tired of being alone and too afraid to try to fall in love I stretch my arms out on more time.... As the pit takes over my heart....and pretend wing spring  from my back.   The feathers are onyx black  and i know better than to try the fly.
The pit has consumed me
and I have embraced its darkness.