i loved you quietly for years.
i didn't know i loved you or how much in fact that i was in love with you.
i should have guessed
when i started feeling dizzy when you would walk in a room.
or when my heart would skip a beat or two when you looked my way.
i should have guessed when i thought so hard for so long
about the moments our paths would cross.
and no matter how many times i told myself to look at you, to face you
my head bowed down at the second we would brush by each other
a habitual action of fear
of missing you and refusing to look at the face of lost love

now i see how much energy was put into holding myself back from loving you
and it makes sense as to why it was so difficult
i forced myself to look away from your speckled green eyes
i told myself not to love you, never to allow myself to love you.