I'm ******* terrified because I miss you so much my heart feels like it's caving in and I saw you seven hours ago. Looking at your face in the dark I can already feel how badly it is going to hurt when you leave. There are 10-12 hours (give or take) everyday that I'm not with you so in one week that means there's almost 5 days I'm missing out on and in one month that's roughly 20 days spent without you and in one year thats 240 days I don't get to see you. It scares me that I know that. It scares me how much that upsets me. Some days I wake up feeling like you're already gone. I'm already sad for next year. It may be your last semester but it feels like mine too, but its not a relief. I'm stuck here for another year and a half and by the time I catch up with you, you'll be all moved on. I've never been this comfortable and that's how I know I probably won't survive you leaving, and I can lie to myself and say it'll be fine but my heart is already breaking. How am I supposed to change every aspect of my life? I said I wouldn't need you but my fingers were crossed. I think I've needed you my whole life. I shouldn't put this weight on your shoulders, I shouldn't be pulling you down. I shouldn't be doing this to you. I would like to be able to say that I deserve this and I deserve you but I know that I don't. You're a gift from the Universe that I got by mistake but I'm too selfish to give you back. I'll probably be the first to say "I love you" but I know I'll be the last to leave.