the hurt hurt hurt please make it stop i cant breathe anymore i wanted to call you at one fifteen this morning when i wanted to die but i knew you would just hang up or tell me to ******* so i texted him god knows why i choose him he helped some but ten minutes later i was worse and worse and im internalizing everything and im going to explode god i want to die last night i drew up five separate plans for suicide im not sure which i want to try this time but im so done with hurting my breakdowns and panic attacks are more frequent and i dont know when it was last this bad and im scared i cant compete with all the things dragging me down i dont know how to get back up and im scared so scared i want to **** myself but i cant but i might but i dont know anything i want to run away from everything but everything always follows me and i dont know how to stop the cold blood that somehow keeps pumping though my heart has stopped i feel like the dry leaves in the fall no matter what you try to do what i try to do i end up in more pieces so much so that you cant recognize me or put me back together yeah i feel like that nothing and everything and too many and im so alone empty gone gone gone make the pain stop i beg of myself but ive always been such a *******