The skin wrapped so elegantly across these bones of mine acts as a barrier separating me from everything else, as long as I keep my lips pressed firmly to each other I can manage to prevent spilling my guts that's best for every one I think. No matter how I yearn for the relief of pressure when my heart tries to escape my chest at best and at least relive the flood of my thoughts.
I ought know wearing this suit of skin isn't enough glacial blue eyes are an open well speaking of sorrow to anyone with a decent pair of eyes to tell. even my perfectly placed smiles pale under that shadow. the utter vastness of the loss I feel reminds me how large I am regardless of my frequency of meals. the expanse in my chest is so immense it seems I am tearing at every seam. most every thing I have held dear, slipping through the fraying tear.
voices from limited perspectives telling me how I ought to feel. quivering with anticipation to mention my over reaction to small things, at small hills appearing in my waking dreams as vast mountain ranges, imagining tragedy in theย ย frame of my yesterdays and through the lenses of life's strangeness; preparing to head out with the Donner party while you take stroll up a grassy knoll basket in hand, while i'm measuring out my morality as meticulously as grains of sand, and you never once wondering the weight of all the other burdens I am carrying and have carried try to tell me, i'm insane for preparing for rain in dry summer heat. with no one to share my pain. I assure you i'm not insane I just go through my life living as me.
but you have not lived the life I have lead and dare not to spread the weight. at worst, I like to think of myself As husk of skin wrapped around a strength unhindered by my physical size existing out of the vastness within my emptying heart. I will be alone to rejoice at my discovery. there are a small number of things that can not be taken away and it is those things I have discovered, no weight can crush me. I have carried the world on my frailest shoulder I have been trapped and many have unloved me but my chest still rises in lows and highs and no one has ever taken the endless opportunities that dwellย ย deep within the days I have never seen, but they come, and are always coming they are the possibilities of things I have never even considered. And while most days I feel I have not but withered and fallen farther from things another piece of me fly's and rings. godless or not I have found my faith. welling up inside me trying slowly to fill this space. to fill me with humanity. I Have faith that things change, are always changing. These feelings and this space will inevitably cease to exist as surly as the way I miss the presence of my loved ones on this turning ball in space my love will outlive that pain and like so many other things being lonely is a temporary state. that is the strength within me. life tested for durability I will endure. I endure everything.
I often read this poem when I am really down. I often read this poem and feel challenged to write more things that highlight my strengths and paint me as a survivor. I am proud of all i have endured.