I was twisting a water bottle
Shredding the label with my fingernails
And keeping it away from your enthusiastic dog
I’d been here before
And I would be here again
Holding back tears as an unlikely friend held me together
I had too many loose ends
And you tied knots with an engineer’s efficiency
For all your teasing
I’d never realized you were a nice guy
Taking me in like the silly wretch that I was
And letting me stay until I felt I could hold my head up again
I convinced myself I had you figured out
Tall and tough but secretly compassionate
A closet empath who impressively tossed words around a notebook page
I let everything bouncing around in my head
Tumble out into your scarred hands
And I assumed you had done the same
So that I could finally see the truth trapped in that lofty mind

It’s funny
I’ve come to realize that I never really knew you the way I thought I did
You’ve always played a concealed hand
Showing me the occasional queen of hearts
But only when you wanted me to see
It’s disappointing
Because you know me too well
I dissected my heart muscles so you could read the struggles scrawled across them
Sitting in your kitchen
All those days
I showed you all the insecurities etched across my skin
Raw and red and burning with the desperation
To be noticed
I wish I could have taken some of your scars
In exchange for all my scribbles
You patiently accepted all the scraps of myself I tossed at you
And I wanted to return the favor
I wanted to read whatever you had penned across your ventricles
I wanted you to flay open your mind so that I might understand

I may have wanted too much of you
Forgetting that not everyone is a frenetic tangle of feelings
Forgetting that I’m just a frazzled, insignificant girl
Who wants to save the world on force of will alone

Sitting in your kitchen
From time to time
You told me you believed in me
So I believed I could do it
I only wish I’d known enough to do the same for you