One day it just stopped
The world that was spinning far too fast finally fell of its axis.
I woke up and I didn't feel like the world was collapsing in onto my shoulders.
I didnt want to rip my heart out of my chest.
But I didn't want to live.
It feels like I am drowning.
My lungs slowly filling up with water
I watch everyone else take a deep breath.
I can’t breathe. I can't breathe. I can’t breathe.
I am numb.
My eyes once vibrant seem dull.
Lifeless
There was nothing.
Going numb is not poetic.
I have to remember to make an attempt
I feel empty as if I made a bet with the devil and the devil won
My chest seems hollow.
It echo's with every heartbeat
I cannot bring myself to get up.
My mother pulls me out of bed
She asks me if I had taken my medications as if anti-depresents could save me from this emptiness inside
"They are what caused this"
She asks if I've cut recently.
I want to tell her that I would take the sensation of pain over nothingness every day.
I feel like a guest in my own home
A tourist in my own mu
Begging for anyone to help me escape the clutches of oblivion.
Nothing matters anymore.
There's just silence.