What the hell are these dreams for?, I need to put action behind my words
and let everyone know who knows me that I'm not ******* around this time.  I've had my bouts with practically everything imaginable, don't know what the hell I would be if I didn't hurt inside, conjuring up images of suicide in my mind, I reach for the knife but always something rescues me from doing the same thing I see others do with impunity. Christ, I'm not alone in this ******* world, everyone has a bad day here and there.
Try a lifetime of trying to fool others to believe I'm something when in reality I'm not, just a survivor like those around me, trying our ******* best to exist. Though it's different now, can't play the ******* game like I did before, it's time to grow the **** up and leave the ******* out the door. Who's to say where I'm going to be ten year down the road? I just pray that my family will be with me and will be better off then we are now.