i will scream until my throat falls in on itself
falls on all the leftover "I Love You"s and galaxies and the words to our favourite songs
piece by piece my body continues to disintegrate, to implode,
and all i can see is your eyes when you laugh
and the only feeling i can grasp onto is when you kissed me;
how it felt like you were giving me your world.
a world i thought i was living in,
a world i thought i could understand
when in reality, i was sitting on the moon looking down on it,
never able to adjust to your atmosphere/


your face is laced to the back of my eyelids;
even the salt water that rushes behind them
refuses to eat it away.
*******, science./

Baby, all I want for Christmas is a blade inscribed with
"Give me Freedom or Give me Death,"
delivered with a Big Red Bow and
the Scent of Your Cologne.
Liberty is a synonym for Demise and I think
that if you stabbed me through The Heart
it will never hurt as much as when I ripped
It out For You myself.
You tried to place It back in,
but once It's removed,
It will Never Beat
the same way again.
Sprinkle My Blood in the snow
and call it Decorating For Christmas.

running out of feeling can be so relieving
sometimes becoming completely numb is comforting
ive gone through every emotion in the past 24 hours
and i think now i am dead.
dead until another memory jolts me back to reality.
there i am again, sliding my heart under the table to you
but you dont even look up
you dont look at all
you let it fall to the floor
"i broke a glass
thats all mum
im sorry"

im sorry
im so sorry
why wasnt i enough
inadequate
marginalized
who am i
im a ghost with a cigarette heart
i gave it to you
you tasted it
i guess you didnt like the love it was laced with
and you blew it back into my sky


it's true what they say,
never to fall in love with a writer
youll live forever
suffering eternal eyes poring over your
lapses
the way you touch
the way you feel
the way you smell
the way you ---

if,

one-day

you ever read this.

I hope you maybe, just maybe

understand

why I am incapable

of ever leaving you alone.*

...

I spent that hole year, trying to make you like me.
I was an absolute idiot, yes I'll admit it.
Then I was scared that the year would end, as of course it would
inevitably.


So when the end did come,
as of course it would.
I wept and crept
away from the sun.
Into my dark mind away from everyone.

Then I could not extinguish that flame,
that you'd so annoyingly implanted,
in my heart,
in my mind and brain.

So I kept on getting singed,
moth to a candle,
flame that you are,
and I cringed...

But again I tried, to see you,
though it was always cut short
and I never knew if you loved me or not
But I will probably always continue to try to

i
keep
hoping
you'll
talk
to
me
first


                     you're
                     just
                     a
                    ghost


what
about
endings
do
I
not
understand
?


                          how
                          done
                          with
                          me
                          are
                          you?


i
made
everything
abundantly
clear
to
everyone
but
myself.

I am
d
ru
nk
and I think I
could start
a fire with
the way you
have forced
me to feel
about you.
I just want
to hurt you is
that normal,
to love someone
so much you
start to hate
them? Please
come back.