I met him on a subway.
and when I saw him it wasn’t those cliche looks.
it was just something I never felt before.

I ran onto the subway, leading me to 42nd Street, it was crowded for a Wednesday.
I got in at the last second and let my air sigh of our my mouth louder than I wanted it to and I looked around self consciously seeing if anyone heard me.

then I saw him.

and I wish I took a gasp of air before I looked into his ******* eyes because I found myself not able to take another breath.
he was perfect, just simply perfect.
he had his earphones in (listening to a song I will never know)
iPhone in one hand, a light brown backpack on his back, and an easy wardrobe of faded jeans and a black t-shirt.
he was simply perfect.
and when I thought that he couldn’t be anymore amazing, he smiled at me.
not one if those “hey stranger” smiles but a “hey I’ve known you for a long time” smile. and maybe I’m looking too into it or I’m just imagining an angel in one of these “life crisis” moments. but it didn’t matter because I was here to see him I was here to see him breathe and think and watch him so normally but I just couldn’t help but feel like it was the most fascinating moment of my entire existence.
I wanted to speak to him, I wanted to hear his voice, his name, his favorite song.
everything.
just every single thing about him, I didn’t even know this guy and I was already in love with him!
is that even possible? to be in love with a complete stranger?

I was ****** out of my thoughts when the subway halted suddenly.
my grip tightened on the metal bar filled with every germ I could remotely think of.
the doors whooshed open as he stood up from his seat and started walking over to the door. No!
I didn’t want him to leave just yet.
I wasn’t even allowed to take him in yet, I wasn’t able to understand him and how his heart works.
a burst of feeling erupted in my body and every fiber was telling me to do something.
but I did nothing.
he simply grazed my shoulder and whispered a gentle sorry in my ear.
and I’m still trying to figure out if the apology was for barely bumping into me or for not asking what my name was

I never really understood poetry
with Mary and her secret love affair with a lamb
and with Humpty who fell off the wall
honestly I thought that poems and rhymes were a waste of my time.

then I saw you
and till this day I never really understood how you always tapped your foot, and how you always held your coffee mug a little slanted, and I was always scared that it was going to burn you. but it never did.

you truly fascinated me, in the most spiritual way and I just had to talk to you or I'd die.
and so I walked over.

I didn't even introduce myself when I sat down. All I asked was, "do you write poetry," and you answered with the simplest yes. you then asked me if I wrote poetry too, and I shook my head saying I never really understood it.

I never really expected my heart to jump out of my chest when I saw your pink lips stretch into a full grin, and it fascinated me in how your top teeth were perfect straight, but your bottoms were crooked. and how you kept on tilting your coffee mug, and how I just realized you had four freckles making some sort of constellation on the bridge of your nose.

you then told me about how people wrote poetry about stars and death and life. and nature and mostly love, and God and the truth that we all know but don't. you told me how poetry is about nothing and everything, but at that point you lost me.

I wondered how poetry could be everything and nothing when you became my poetry.

poetry like the way you tapped your right leg to the beat of Jessie's Girl
poetry like the way the dimple on your left cheek looks like one of the moons craters.
poetry like how your long brown eyelashes hide the cosmos of your green eyes.
poetry like how you throw your head back and laugh as if you just heard the funniest thing
poetry like how you smile with all your teeth and heart, crooked and all.
poetry like how you tilt your coffee mug to the right instinctively.

poetry like how you stopped tapping your foot.
poetry like how you got braces on your bottom teeth.
poetry like how you never smiled anymore.
poetry like how your cosmos look dead.
poetry like how your constellation of freckles disappeared.
poetry like a straight mug of coffee.

"If you're happy, I'm happy too.*

The thing is

I don't want you to be happy when I'm not with you.
I want to walk out your front door and know that once I'm out of your sight, you'll feel lonely again.

I want you to live life to the fullest, but wish that I was there; right next to you.

I want you to ******* breathe and just miss the sound of my over exaggerated sighs and loud laughs.

I want you to feel completely miserable without me.

Because that's how I feel when you aren't here.

I just want to trace
your veins with my
finger and drown in
the sound of your
voice

I want to be injected into your veins because that is the only way I could get close to your heart.

Forgive me darling, for I have sinned.
I didn't love you enough.

Forgive me mother, for I have sinned.
I wasn't the child you wanted.

Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
I wasn't as smart as your first two children.

Forgive me sister, for I have sinned.
I didn't comfort you when he broke your heart.

Forgive me brother, for I have sinned.
I've forgotten to teach you the way to love women.

Forgive me, for I have sinned.
I'm sorry for never being good enough.

Forgive me, I am a sin.