The weight
of a simple human emotion
weighs me down,
more than a tank ever did
...
the pain
its determined and demanding
to ache
, but im OK
...

In the darkness and confusion that surround me
I play the song over and over again
because I too
have know found the fault in our stars...
the same stars you watched with me
when you laid next to me
on the cold and merciless brick driveway

The chorus starts playing
and with every note, nostalgia
suffocates my soul in memories
and my heart beats the lyrics in Morse-code

...
And I don't want to let this go
I don't want to lose control
I just want to see the stars
, with you
...

over and over I listen to the words
that seem to be pouring out of my heart
with more belief and ambition
then through the little speaker in my phone

...
And I don't want to say good-bey
someone, tell me why
I just want to see the stars
, with you*
...

the moon is gone
the stars twinkle brightly
they give me hope that one day you'll return
, to see them with me
to make them shine brighter...

but until then, i'll just listen
to the song...

until then,
I ache

until then,
i AM NOT OKAY

until then i'll lay in the driveway and wait...
wait for you to come lay next to me

as you once did...
as it should be

Some people never change...

Some people think they can beat love into you with a belt or a fist
Some think they can force it into you while drugging you or holding you down
Some think they can make you feel the love, by caging you in with rules
Some simply think love is an excuse to force another being into you

I see the world from behind bars
see the shadows dance across the fields
feel the tug and pull of strings
as they try to control my being

and all the time I hear these words... I love you
what do they mean
is this the warped image of love
that we never see on TV...
and if this is love,... if this is divine, and sent by God
then why does it cause so much pain and hurt... what is holy about any of it

I am done with hoping
I am done with trying
from now on I will just be

mother hear my words
my heart is beating in my chest
through only the power of love
you are denying me my love
and my friends
and my being
be carefull which powers of nature you try to control mother
because mother nature is a nasty one
she is just like me
she hates being controlled...

The science around dreaming, states that each night
we dream a dozen dreams...
but we only remember the one we wake up from

So for exactly 34 days I've tried to dream...
tried to dream about you, about us...
I remember each night when you said good-bye
how playfully you will add your command
that I should dream about you

and now...
after exactly 34 days of trying
and 1 day of crying...
I finally did

I dreamed about you
I dreamed we kissed
I dreamed I was in your arms once again
that you lay next to me, in my arms
and in my dream...
my world was at peace
even when disaster struck... I knew I was okay
...
because I still had you

and when I woke up this morning
I rushed to my phone to text you...
to share my excitement with you...
to say...
"I FINALLY dreamed about you,
and it was AMAZING"

but then I saw your last text...
the one that shattered my world
dancing over my incomplete textbox
... mocking me with its words , like daggers

"I'm sorry, but I'm over it. It's not going to turn me off anymore ...
I just think that, maybe... maybe we should take a break"

A lonely tear ran down my cheek,
was never met by 'n mate
although he hoped, he dried before,
was killed by the wait

The news of my dream was like a pack of angry wolves
or a front page story that got moved to be lost in the folds of the paper
aching to burst out and be heard... and be appreciated...
but to whom can I tell these dreams??

You don't want to hear from me
My parents don't want to hear about you
My friends don't want to hear anything other then their love
...
to who will I spill my soul...

so I will write you a message on a pretty piece of paper...
and burn it when next I smoke

when darkness comes and the city takes to life
I will climb on the roof and holler it to the masses...

... hoping that maybe...
just maybe...
one will holler back.

and maybe...
just maybe...
that one will be you

There once was a hunter... who wanted to hunt a deer... but deep inside the forest lived a bear... one that attacked his prey, took it from right in front of him, and ate the succulent flesh...

One day the hunter had, had enough of it... so he stalked for hours, to find the biggest deer he could find... he laid aim... and watched...

surely enough, after mere seconds, the bear appeared out of nowhere and hit his paws into the deer... the hunter let rip a jubilant cry, and laughed as the shot rang through the trees...

it was a hit... the bear slumped down and breathed heavily... the hunter was knocked of his feet by excitement, and could feel his heart jump in joy. He head to feel it. So he put his hand to his chest...

as he laid there, staring at the beast in front of him, he looked into it's eyes, and saw something he recognized... his smile disappeared, and a single tear rolled down his cheek...

he removed his hand from his heart, to wipe away the tear... but as the front of his hand wiped the tear from his face... the back left a trail of scarlet blood

... his blood.

Mamma don't you love me
the thought goes through my mind
over and over without a clear path or destination
like a tumbleweed in a desolate ghost town
it rolls around unseen
unlike on the movie screen

her tongue was a battalion
it fired through my soul
with metal shards of hateful love

her words were like a leather belt
that licked me time and time again
hit straight through tissue blood and veins
and hit my heart , my lonesome bitter heart

my house is painted in tiny black lines
the shadows from the bars
that surround the now empty and cold chambers of my heart

last night you ruined a lot more than just a tiny little crush
your ruined an opportunity for love
one for smile
one for tears
one for memories
one for some more fears
you ruined the chance for me to love again
one for me to be loved back
you ruined a chance for me to fall
to hurt myself and cry over the pain
you see...
you didn't ruin my night
or my crush
or my dignity
you ruined my chance at another chapter in life

I can't write a story
if you edit out the chapters mother...
the story would end and seem unfit
to ever be published
I can't write a story, If you take out all the chapters
I'd rather just stop writing
and leave it all unfinished

because you loved me to death
and the contradiction killed me

100 jaar herrinering
100 mense ween
100 trane val daar
100 druppels reen
van die hemel heen

Dankie vir die reen o God
die plase was so droog
die kommer word nou weggespoel
uit talle boer se oog



oor droewe grond
wat kraak en bars
streel helend hand
loop water vars

oor die mielies, koring
en oor goue hawermout
dans in die wind die jongeling
en skyn opnuut wee goud

die Here het geantwoord
oor wenige gebed
bewys van vooraf weereens
al genade wat hy het

maar wolke breuk, strome spoel
die grond word weer genees
maar spokend, kaal en lenig
sal die kerk weer Sondag wees

onthou jy jou gelofte
my Afrikaner kind
wat nou soos na dood siektes
voor die oe ontbind

**** my woord op nuut
oor die heuwels sal dit reis
tot my volk gaan terugkeer
sal opbrengs , soos geloof,
deur droogtes vergreis

I heard your protest
those two letters singing in my ears
your proclamations cut through my clothes
and left me
****

**** on the cold hard ground

but my heart didn't grasp the meaning
my brain could not compute
I had to get back up
and embrace your person

and although you pulled away
although you thought of him
you always thought of me
when you kissed me back
and ran into my open arms

with persistence I believe
your eyes will open up
you'll see the bright new future
the one you have in me

maybe you'll regret
someday in the forthcoming winters
thoughts blooming with the spring flowers

but never that you left him
only that you did not do it sooner

and I will kiss you on the forehead
and whisper
in your ear
that is doesn't matter
as long as ,now, your here