and I am remade,
that's the beauty of us,
having never met,
before this moment,
and this moment lays out in front of me,
and I am as I want to be,

not so much as beautiful,
but put together,
and on time,
clean lines,
and calculated responses,
I am currently better than maybe you expected,
and I exceed my expectations of the me I  was before we met,
and I am glad,

I feel confident,
if only in this moment,
and I find peace in the projection of who I wanna be,
and  having just met you,
I find joy in knowing you haven't met my past,
because in such a small space of time,
I haven't failed you,
yet...

I'm starting to like you
and it's all your fault.

Brush stroke of lips on innocent skin.

First kisses are always the hardest ones to predict.

We wait at the same stop.
It's pouring, and we join the huddle of people
Keeping dry under the cold metal.
I expect her to get on one of the Arab bus lines,
Because she's an Arab.
That was racist and I smile to myself when
She gets on the 74 with me.
We end up jammed in the middle, standing face to face
In a sea of human waves, getting on, off, hustling.
There is an Ethiopian lady next to us with a baby strapped to her back.
I think the girl is wistful. I wonder if she's wondering about her future, like me.
Her makeup is better done than mine is and she looks sad.
I wonder what secrets lie beneath her elegantly obscured body.
I remember when I was Orthodox- we were parallel lines.
I sneak a look at her hijab. I wonder if she looks at my hair.
I notice two rings, a diamond and a gold, on her left hand.
She follows my gaze, twitches her fingers nervously and moves her hand.
I wonder how he treats her. Is she afraid of him? Is she sad?
She looks sad. I want to ask her what's wrong.
Does she speak Hebrew? Maybe. Probably not. Maybe.
I want to at least meet her eyes and smile,
So she knows someone noticed,
But my eyes flit and dart away every time I try,
And all I can see is the hate that's been wedged between us since the 20's.
She can't be much older than me, I think as she takes out an Iphone
In a bright pink case, a twin to the one I'd checked in its turquoise case
About 30 seconds ago. We get off at the same stop.
She waits for a transfer and I start walking to school.
I will never see her again, but I hope that maybe our future daughters
Will be able to smile at each other on a crowded bus, and maybe even be friends.

I had a nightmare that you left me
no need for my love
any longer
In my loss
I painfully pulled
our ring off my finger
consciously unaware
and as I went to wrap my arms
around you in the morn
I sobbed and heaved
and weeped
seeing that finger bare
thinking I had lost it forever
I searched in panic,
shallow breathed and queezy
only to find it in the middle of our bed
folded neatly
where our sides had been touching
through the night