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 Dec 2013 rachel
Catrina Sparrow
i want a voice like the heartbeat of the metra tracks
     as it shakes its way into your brain
while you're half awake
and daydreaming
     'bout something sweet
     something that means nothing to me
but it's cute
     see
          
          the way you can't help but smile

i want to be that cringe of excitement in your skull
that you can't stop daydreamin' about

  and...
if you could find yourself fascinated by my freckles
     and my flaws
     and the scars all over from all of the near-fatal gashes
     and the heaps and heaps of stardust rusting to my eyelashes
     and the fact that i'm always talking about love as if i'd actually had it
          i promise
i'd never say you were a fool

i could wear you like split ends
or a crooked grin
     a handsome pair in inclement weather
     somehow better together

not two halves
     of one whole

two wholes
     thriving on each other
      
          cigarettes and coffee
          whiskey and beer

mmhmmm
     we're in the clear from here
nothing but salty tides and starry skies
          straight on 'till morning
i'll meet'cha, someday.
 Dec 2013 rachel
-D
convergence.
Foggy black & white contusions appear in my nightmares
& on my wrists when I awaken;
some appear to be visions of you when you were young
& so much more hopeful
(or perhaps it is I?).

You always look so much more appealing
late in the evening
after I’ve already bid my inhibitions adieu.

But even when you creep across the threshold of my apartment,
there is nothing I can do to truly bring you close.

I’ve spent weeks dumping bottles of liquid down my throat &
into my lungs, but
none of these bottles have Labels;
just warnings.

You had a label, such as this;
branding you across your ever-furrowed brow.

cleaving.
Indeed, months have past since we touched at all,
yet in the moments when we converse,
I seek nothing but your breath on my neck, singing,
You & I
are one in the same.


& as we both sink further into the pits of our own self-imposed darkness,
we seek light in the dimming pools of each others’ eyes.

Your smirk is full of cynicism & regret,
but what of your grin?
It brings nothing but tidings of ways to rip me to shreds
again.

bound.
I long for the throbbing sensation of pain after an altercation with my past demons has occurred;
at least it would be familiar company,
consistent & vivid in its haunting cackling.

When I feel as though I’ve sunk too low,
I find rest in searching the depths & finding you there
always,
fighting your own demons.
Sometimes we let ours rip apart each other’s,
so that we can have nights without them
& with each other, instead.

fraying.
Those nights smell so sweetly of the incense & essence of
two peoples’ pain being placed on a bedside table,
glowing
& lighting the evening of their indiscretions
(she grits her teeth & he sobs into her décolletage).
It hums gently,
careful not to interrupt the façade of happiness in numbness they share.

But it is always there,
always
there.

There so that it may continue to entangle them;
not in love
or even admiration,
but in the spirit of their willingness to delude themselves.

& that is the most binding agent of all


unraveling.*
& lo,
& yet,
You &
I awaken
each morning
to observe
as I


come undone.
Matthew 19:4-6 ~
"He that made them at the beginning made them male and female, & said,
‘For this cause shall a man leave father and mother and shall
cleave
to his wife, and the two shall be one flesh.
Therefore they are no more two,
but one flesh.
What therefore God hath joined together,
let not man put asunder.'”
This is not me
I've never been here
it's someone else you see
this is not me.

I want to say goodnight to you but few if any know,and those who did have flown away,do you want to stay and listen to someone who does not know if you are there,
do you even care that I am here?
I fear you don't and so I won't be saying goodnight
in any case
I shall sleep tight
locked inside the darkness of my lonely night.
..and sometimes the nights last for years.
 Dec 2013 rachel
Little Ghost
sometimes i feel like
sometimes
sometimes i feel like i'm in a dream
but only sometimes
and it's foggy
it's hard to tell
maybe i'm awake and it's more clear than my usual dreams
but then
what if i'm dreaming
what if i'm not real
what if
what
is going on
and my brain goes in a million different directions
my handwriting is messy
so is my head, i guess
that's all
i guess
i don't know
my hands are just making words
this room is filled with a cloud
hey guys
my name is ally and i think
i may be dreaming
how about you
how are you
wrote this during a class today. i wrote a lot of poems today. also, i don't even know if this is considered poetry. whatever.
 Dec 2013 rachel
Ben
I...
     think...
                 I...
                      like...
                              
crazily chasing concocted crushes
however hasty high hopes
earnestly entangled erstwhile enthusiasm
left languishing limp lethargic
suddenly soundless stupidly selfish
every emotion enviously expectant
an abject apology absent

purposeful pleasure purportedly posed
unearthed unhealthy ungainly uncertainties
devouring devotion disgracing dogma
an accident awaiting arrival
 Dec 2013 rachel
Arabella
love me with my scars and tears,
as sleep haunts mornings we never knew.

greeting
sweet kisses on my forehead


remind me of all these years,
not knowing what I'd been without you.
 Dec 2013 rachel
E. E. Cummings
i will wade out
                        till my thighs are steeped in burning flowers
I will take the sun in my mouth
and leap into the ripe air
                                       Alive
                                                 with closed eyes
to dash against darkness
                                       in the sleeping curves of my body
Shall enter fingers of smooth mastery
with chasteness of sea-girls
                                            Will i complete the mystery
                                            of my flesh
I will rise
               After a thousand years
lipping
flowers
             And set my teeth in the silver of the moon
Im dropping my phone slow, no where to go, a provocative photo to, a dance in the snow, a kiss without ending, a night with a show, a shoulder with out crying, and gone to fast but forever slow, I'll hold you until our forever sunrise, and kiss away our rapture lies, you will hold onto me tight, and we'll holds until the end of the night
For my Naru that will never be...
 Dec 2013 rachel
Andrew Durst
I cannot fix the broken
I cannot fix your heart,
The words that are left unspoken
Will tear our souls apart,

There is no room for forgiveness,
No love in which to find,
You can try to collect the pieces,
But forever; you will not find.

Look at the hour glass,
Your time will be what's rued,
There's no way you can grasp
Onto what you put me through.

I'm not expecting you to understand this,
So I know you'll question why.
Ever since the first kiss,
You made me believe a lie.
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