So that you will hear me
my words
sometimes grow thin
as the tracks of the gulls on the beaches.

Necklace, drunken bell
for your hands smooth as grapes.

And I watch my words from a long way off.
They are more yours than mine.
They climb on my old suffering like ivy.

It climbs the same way on damp walls.
You are to blame for this cruel sport.
They are fleeing from my dark lair.
You fill everything, you fill everything.

Before you they peopled the solitude that you occupy,
and they are more used to my sadness than you are.

Now I want them to say what I want to say to you
to make you hear as I want you to hear me.

The wind of anguish still hauls on them as usual.
Sometimes hurricanes of dreams still knock them over.
You listen to other voices in my painful voice.

Lament of old mouths, blood of old supplications.
Love me, companion. Don't forsake me. Follow me.
Follow me, companion, on this wave of anguish.

But my words become stained with your love.
You occupy everything, you occupy everything.

I am making them into an endless necklace
for your white hands, smooth as grapes.

I  shrouded
my shame
behind blacked
out
sunglasses
and spiked my
lies with
deep
red wine .

It burns.
Badly.
The burning sensation
Can take over and ****.
But  you begin to like the burn.
Even crave it sometimes.
It's the kind of pain you secretly love.
Kind of like when you hurt someone you love,
Or when someone you love hurts you.
You know it's bad.
You know it's wrong.
But you just can't stop.
Because even though it's awful,
Even though it's painful,
Even though it's lethal,
It all hurts so good.

{alaska}

In class
I nervously pinch my arm
trying to keep my focus.
At home
I try to act like I don't care
trying to keep my happy face on.
When I'm with friends
I try to take in
the vitamins
of their laughter
trying to laugh along.
When I'm alone
I blast my music
and read books
and write poems
trying not to cry.

I can't start crying,
I know I'll never stop.

She moans in tones I understand and as I moan too we move through floating notes across the scale,
her nails are sharp against my skin,she moans again to let me in and we decide to ride the milky way,
against the night the day sheds tears as we shed wakefulness and any fears we may have entertained.
And it's nothing ventured nothing gained,
I may rule the roost,but over
me
she reigns.

everyone assumes the worst of me
my family and my friends
i hear all of the insults
and cry until it ends

i really do try sometimes
but really there's no point
they'll just assume the worst
so i just light another joint

they never try to see my side
they don't really care
but they're poisoning my soul
until there's nothing there

sure i've made a few mistakes
and then i get the blame for theirs
everything is my fault
is there anyone who cares?

i lay in bed whenever i'm home
just to stay away
my soul can take no more
not another day

a snake of tail lights blind my eyes
and my hands are blistered from crawling across glass
to get back to you
You are a God figure standing above me
a righteous saint
You're saying and doing everything you can to send me to eternal damnation
a purgatory of "maybes" and "thank you's" and politeness
I am not a push downer
an opinion-less extra
an empty brain drone
im a walled up mistress
no feeling having, numb as can be, teenage head case
I am 3am barefoot in the sand,
streetlight wearer,
shoulder in my mouth and tangled hair.
Im a "Breath doesn't mean anything if it isn't coming from your lungs" shunner
But what good am I?
I'm nothing but a mutation in a city of clones, new thoughts are gibberish if they weren't placed there by a higher power.
Can you even blink without it being set out before you?
eyelash plucked from a passing eye so you can make your wish
authenticity in a barbie house
a repeated phrase
"it all belongs to you,the world, it all belongs to you"