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The annual cycle of friends and family, meeting
An oil and water duty of circumstance, intersecting
At Christmases and global conferences, occasioning
Probable murders at Christmas in the families, mixing
Their duty to drink but live distant lives apart, loving
The comfortable satisfaction of the distance, living
Their lives with social media connections, liking
The comfort of ignoring without unfriending
Their oil and water friends and family.

So

I have supplanted this duty with desire, allowing
Me to unfriend these occasional friends, becoming
Myself at last with a vicarious pleasure of, enjoying
Being a stereotypical “Grumpy Old Man”, relaxing.
Run your fingers through my soul.
For once, just once,
Feel exactly what I feel,
Believe what I believe,
Perceive as I perceive,
Look, experience, examine
And just for once,
Just once
Understand.
My days ago
are piled
with excess.

My days ahead,
clouded
with letting
go.

This day today,
empty
as the bottle
laying next
to me.

And there's
no way
to grow
young
again.
Al
Sometimes,
Words aren't the only cure to the brokenness we feel inside.
Sometimes,
Notes connecting to one another
Forming the words we can't always speak
Are all we need to hear to save us.
So even though
There are words I'd like to scream,
Scream so loud you'll hear from night until day,
I'll pick up my saving grace.
I'll let the plucking of the strings soothe me, calming the storm inside,
Allowing the tune to carry me
To that familiar home
My only escape
*jm
The title seems irrelevant, but it's the name of my baby, my acoustic guitar. Alvarez=Al (Creative, I know.)
We all, at some point in our lives, come across those songs-with
The melodies that seem so bland,
The rhythms that we can't stand,
The lyrics that repeat themselves with no meaning attached,
The dynamics that are out to attack,

And then we come across those songs-with
The melodies we can't get out of our minds,
The rhythms that remind us to push forward at all times,
The lyrics that explain what we were unable to,
The dynamics that help to bring out how we're feeling inside,

Maybe the people we come across throughout our lives
affect us in these ways, too.
*jm
You were far away.
Farther than halfway across the room,
A glass in your hand and that crooked smile
Rising like the sun on your face.
I was swimming-
Maybe drowning in a sea of people.
He was trying to talk to me-
About the every days that composed of
Almost nothings.
I swear I felt my skin wrinkle in my
Little black dress
And my toes pinch in
My high heels.
I told myself it was worth it.
He said I was beautiful
But I look across the room
And your eyes don't meet mine.
Each time I look at you and
You don’t notice me,
I feel myself taking a step into
The inevitable stairs of
Heartbreak.
I danced all night with him-
He taught me how to waltz in squares
And spin in turns.
His hands fit into my curves
Like those plastic cylinders
That build towers and cities.
But I still felt it didn’t belong there.
Your hands
I bet would fit like roots into
My earth
And this would beat any hundred story
Building because it was natural.
He might have disagreed with that
And at one point through that night
So did I.
If my heart was beating a thousand times
Per second and
My palms rained over my knees
And my cheeks were apples ready to
Be picked every time you passed by,
Surely that isn’t natural.

Slowly, I was pummeling
As the night neared its end.
I had not danced with you.
I had not talked to you.
I had not even walked by you
And yet I could have.
But with a heart beating as loud as mine
I didn’t want to risk you hearing it.
One thing for sure though,
I know was completely natural,
Was goodbye.
It was going to happen
And most say that it's the worst moment
Of any night
But honestly,
I had fallen in love with our goodbye.
Good night wasn’t enough but your
Tan rays of light blooming the roses
In my cheeks,
Proved you to be a source of life.
SO I HAVEN'T POSTED IN SO LONG :((
I miss you guys <3
Just some old stuff-
Think about this truth that I've never said before:
Every day I spend with you will leave me wanting more.

Think about this truth that I'm too afraid to say:
If you were to ask me surely with you I would stay.

Think about this truth that I'm too afraid to know:
If you knew that I love you, you would want to go.

Think about this truth that I'll never say again:
If this does not end well, I'm glad you were my friend.
you are inches
measured by miles away
bulldozing oriental food
you don't intend on eating
around your plate
and i am imagining
the translation of asking
for a broom in a foreign language
for when you shatter over small talk
or the first sentence to start with "so"
breaks you into shaking
that i can feel from across the table
and i am thinking now
about tectonics and how you must be daydreaming of being submerged in a book
back home or gripping tightly
to bedsheets begging for familiar warmth
i can tell by the way you are looking at me
that you are feigning our salutation embrace
seconds drowned in ankle deep water and i wonder if you see my hands
as jackhammers and if the reason
why you hug so hard
but only for a moment
is to be as sharp as possible
so that i do not smell your perfume
or notice that you aren't wearing any and why
there are few suprises
in the safe you claim is a mouth
where shades of plush pink
hide a sickly pallor
and i continue to look over
brick & mortar borders
and think how maybe
she is thinking of kissing
but certainly not me
not these apologies nailed to my face
i give myself a moment
of benefitted doubt that you sometimes
picture your frame under mine
and if your clavicles would crack
if i were to touch them
i am sorry that i am a victim of imagination
but i swear i chalk it up
as the forgotten feeling
for when you look up
and the person you are looking
at is gazing directly at you
you have painted yourself
as a mosaic in my mind
as a mess of dust & incoherent words
that all sound like please in my ears
but that doesn't explain why
my hands are the ones that are shaking
when i imagine you
imagining me
in the spaces of yourself
where you've forgotten
you could put someone
I kiss the moon
Lips melting onto mine
The cold seeping beneath my ivory skin
Wrapping around my glass ribs
Heavy fog resting in my lungs
Breathing out icicles
Frost lacing my eyelashes
Stars drinking me in
Cliffs taunting me to dance
Off into the dreamy haze
Crisp night air swirls in my violet veins
The night is my ecstacy
Oh and I have never felt so high
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