one of those days when
i am down and low
sinking into the earth beneath me
the heavy on my heart
drowning me
and you are high above
flying like kite
floating on the clouds
out of your senses, letting loose of your guards
i hope we find each other somewhere in between

//GODDESS//

my body is not a temple
not holy,not sacred
still i am a goddess
no shimmering gold
i am flesh and bones
still a goddess
you'd still worship me if i was just a stone across the road, wouldn't you?

i am
not just the
warmth of your bed
or the mother of your child
i am not saving myself for you nor am i here to  save you from yourself

my skin is not blue, but i do bleed red
and
so do you
and but you are hurt and i am impure
impure. i am pure
even when i bleed from the place between my legs

so to hell with all those stone buildings i cant enter when i am bleeding so this world that the gods made wouldn't go barren

because
my body IS  a temple
with or without you inside me, doesn't matter
i am still a goddess
still holy, still sacred

twenty years is a hell of a long time
yet here i am
caught up in this spiral of  unrequited self love
like a hamster on a wheel.
every day it's the same story
melancholy greets me with an ugly smirk and
crawls up my leg, digs his nails on my skin
and sits on my chest
as  
i lay on my back
heart heavy
my gut swings on a hoo -la-hoop
i feel sick
like i might throw up
in hopes of this being poetry
so any of this would make some sense
but metaphors have abandoned me and my misery
i can't sugarcoat this enough to make it easier
for you to gulp it down your throat
i can't romanticise this enough for this to be another of your #beautifultragedy
but like everything else
i am getting use to this too
and
now
this feels warm, warmth from the burning corpse that is my body
this feels familiar and safe, like my mother's arms
now this feels just like home, broken and wrecked

sunsets and sunrise
i look and i think to myself
how something so constant still keeps us  content
then i look at you and it's the same  
you do that to me everyday
you blow my mind every **** time
with your changing hues
saffron red in your veins
that orange glow of your eyes
even your scattering  blues somehow keeps me on my toes
and i don't need to climb mountains and swim rivers to be mesmerized
i'll just be at the horizon, waiting for you

your mind
beautiful but
out in space
a ticking bomb
and the countdown began when

your eyes
a dry tap with nothing left to be shed
burning red
from the fire in you

your arms
scarred and bruised

your lips
missile pressed in between
ready for you to burn it down

your heart
black and blue
but kind and sacred
despite the sins

i let you grow inside me
you grew flowers in my lungs and seeds in my bones
making me feel everything and nothing at once
you lived in me like my own
but little did i knew  
that like a parasite
you were feeding on me
laying eggs on my skin
you took all my self and
poisoned my mind and soul
with your toxin
you called love