Each minute in his arms
Lets in another ray of sun.
I never knew that I could be so warm.

But the solstice is approaching,
The cold will soon return
And bring with it my hypothermic norm.

- p. winter

breathe in
the smell of tension
think the words
we'll never say

breathe out
the yearn
to hold me close
then turn and slowly
walk away

- p. winter

An ever curious vine
Whose tendrils intertwine
Is naught compared to
How your body
Tangles into mine.

- p. winter

I still wear your shirt to bed,
Still have your voice stuck in my head.
I know I had to let you go
But how it breaks my heart to know
That you are slowly moving on.
I wish that I could be that strong.
Instead, I’ll slowly dim the light
And wear your shirt again tonight.

- p. winter

You smile at me and, suddenly,
I find I understand
The little plan you must have just devised

To make me fall for all of you
You take me by the hand
And show me how love songs are improvised

- p. winter

I wonder how much I don't remember
That I swore would break my heart forever.

I wonder if times of trouble today
I'll think of, smiling, come next year's May.

- p. winter

Time and time again,
I let the laces unravel.
Sutures over a scar
Beginning to fade.
My heart, at last, starts to open,
And then, inevitably...
The laces snap,
The scar bleeds,
And I have to heal again.

- p. winter

Glide through a glen with me,
Made of my memories:
Painful portrayals of
Personal effigies
Drowning in dread, and the
Dreams that will ever be
Ripping through every reverie.

Soar through a sky with me,
Clouded by cries of re-
gretfully festering
Feelings inside of me,
Longing for love and a
Lover of piety,
Someone who someday won't lie to me.

Walk down a way with me
Desperate for deity,
Scouring for someone to
Save me from slavery,
Hanging for hopefulness,
Hardened by hate and the
Fear of freedom as a rarity.

Take every turn with me,
Listen and learn from me
Buckling under the
Breaking and burdening,
Trying to cherish a
Childish eternity,
Praying for pref'rence in purgat'ry.

- p. winter

I wish for my work
To bring a smile - and smiling
To not be such work.

- p. winter

Feeling is weakness
And loving is pain:
A lesson I’ve learned
Again and again.

You’re gonna get shot
If you sit like a duck,
So put up your walls, baby,
Don’t give a ****.

- p. winter

I’m in your worn out sweaters
And tear stained letters,
All the dark sides of the moon.
In the leaves of fall
You can hear me call
On a breezy afternoon.
I’m the taste of honey,
But someday, honey,
You’ll be tasting someone new.
And I hope you tell „oh
The girl in yellow
Let me go
And grow
And feel the west wind blow
And somehow it led me to you.“

- p. winter

Running into the arms of every shadow that
Resembles your silhouette,
I follow a bread crumb trail of empty words
Through a forest of empty fantasies.
With each step, I fall.
With each step, I learn.
With each step, I grow.
With each step, I get one heartbreak closer
To finding you.

- p. winter

From this day on,
I promise to never let you spend another day thinking you are not worthy of love.

Even if, one day, I am the only one left who loves you,
I will give the love of a thousand hearts,
And you will never feel lonely
Again.

- Note to Self
    - p. winter

I miss you dearly.
You, the one who brought me
All the joy I needed.
The one with a twinkle in your eye
And the curiosity of life
That powered you through
The worst of days.
I miss you dearly.
You, the one whom no one in my life
Mattered as much as.
I miss the laughter we shared,
The smile on your face,
And the love for each other we cherished.
I miss you dearly.
You, the person I once was.
Won’t you come back to me
Again?

- p. winter

The pain-dissolving peacefulness
Reflected in his spoken word,
Ensures his voice could cure me still
If only for a moment heard.

The second is his gentle touch,
Consuming all my thoughts,
That has me plucking daisy petals
Skipping all “he loves me not”s.

The third is naught but gleeful,
For I love the way he laughs.
Each day I’d make a fool of me
To hear his joy in half.

He smiles, oh heart, be still, he smiles
And so the heavens dim,
To allow the glorious glowing
And the radiance of him.

His handsome soul is ageless,
Though the moon, alas, revolves.
I pray that I grow old to see
However it evolves.

Relentless in his courage,
I will never fear to be
‘Tween the arms of such
A strong and firm protector as is he.

Unceasing is the passion
And ne’er ending is the heat
In the conversations had between
The lips that itch to meet.

Giving, giving, giving
Never asking in return.
No contest for how warm his fire
So generously burns.

And oh, how calm, how safe it is
To feel his arms entwine

Over each and every pathway
In the crevices of mine.

At last, the most admirable,

The truest since the start,
For what I love the most is this:
He loves with all his heart.

- p. winter

You will never be my other half
For I am already whole.
But I will gladly let you in
That we may be wholly in love.

- p. winter

A mess of codependency,
Anxiety and jealousy,
I pray that you remember me.

A hopeless wreck that can’t allow
Herself to get up from the ground,
Remember me as I am now.

Watch me blossom, shine, and dance,
Dream and learn of true romance,
Be a witness to this change
As my own thoughts I rearrange.

You'll hear the difference in my voice
And feel the difference in my hands,
For I will prove I made a choice
To find the one I truly am.

Remember me in tears and stress,
Remember me at all my lows,
For I will morph and soon progress.
Remember me,
And watch me grow.

- p. winter

The world continued
To force my tears
And beat me while
I was already down
But I heard your voice
And I saw your smile
And the world
Is nothing now.

- p. winter

I fear nothing more
Than feeling my love start to
Slip 'tween your fingers.

- p. winter

She will take you by the hand
And suddenly you'll understand
That all the pain in which you were
Was used to bring you here to her.

- p. winter

i fear to let go
to close my eyes
and wake to find you
gone

- p. winter

We know not all endings are meant to be happy
We’ve seen not all fairytales are meant to come true
But tell me „forever“
Tell me „I do“
I will too, and gladly
For our story’s unwritten
And I’ll take a chance
On filling the pages
With you

- p. winter

A gift from heav'n
To bless my life
A man for whom
Is no worthy wife

But must I choose
'Tween he and He?
Two loves
True loves
Dismemb'ring me.

- p.winter

I hope he never makes me choose
I pray He never makes me choose

- p. winter

Sadness meets me every day
A new disguise put on display
Making sure where’er I go
I see him in each face I know.

- p. winter

I’m your marionette
You pull my strings
With all the force you like.
My head will nod
My feet will trod
Whichever way you like.
My body lies
In your control
Just the way you like.

- p. winter

You can gain a lot in a year.
Enough to hide what once was
Or once wasn’t
On display.
But never enough to
Eliminate what always has been
And always will be
Hidden in the crevices.

- p. winter

This body
Has been with me
For as long as I have lived

Why must it
Betray me so

- p. winter

I remember the period
Of rich, suffocating gloom
That I've written of
Millions of times before.
But more than that
I remember when
Flowers bloomed
And I laughed for the first time
In two months.
I wish I could remember
What was so funny
Or with whom I was so content.
But I remember
That the feeling
Inside of me
Was dangerously wonderful.
So I promised
Right then
To never go a day
Without a giggle
Or two
Again.

- p. winter

I lowered my standards for you.
Not because you were anything less than wonderful,
But because I used my fear of imperfection
As an excuse to protect my heart.
But you, and your imperfections,
Are perfect to me.
- p. winter

i used to write in the third person
the girl in my poems
a foreign character

but now i live what i write
and i write what i live
and i make sure the world knows
who i truly
have become

- p. winter

Perhaps the most
Difficult challenge
I've had to face
Is trying to believe
I could ever be
Remotely worthy
Of your love.

- p. winter

Trace your fingers down my arm
Make a stop at every scar
Kiss them kindly
Help remind me
Life is better where you are
- p. winter

I’m not easy to love
Don’t expect me to be
I’ve got bruises and baggage
And boundaries
And I might make you yell
Or I might make you smile
But if there’s one thing I’ll make:
I’ll make it worthwhile.

- p. winter

too afraid of lo_ing you

- p. winter

a thousand barren daisy heads
are strewn across the floor
each more gruesomely dismembered
than the one before
and so i sit
and so i cry
and so i watch them rot.
not e'en a thousand daisy heads
know why you loved me not.

- p. winter

i had a type
you didn't fit
so i moulded it
to you

- p. winter

I must be
Who everyone wants me to be.
I don’t know who I am anymore,
But I know it is not enough.

- p. winter

surrounded by others
surrounded by love
yet always
always
alone
- p. winter

my heart is protected by a picket fence
awaiting a strong gust of wind

- p. winter

O wretchēd Love, I do beseech thee,
Free me from this prison thine.
I've felt the cold of hell's abyss,
I've tasted poison in each kiss,
And so, o Love, I ask but this:
Release me now, to heav'n divine.

- p. winter

a forgotten soul in a noisy room
looking for someone
anyone
who remembers

- p. winter

there was a time in my life
when sadness was a habit.
an inevitable spiral.
it was never not there.
until it wasn’t,
and healing came
like sunlight through
a crack in the clouds.
but every now and then
i get flashbacks
and feel myself falling back
into my inevitable spiral.
and it feels oh so good.
and it feels oh so natural.
old habits die hard.
old sadness lives on.

- p. winter

Pull the trigger, kick the stool.
The world doesn’t mourn every feather-winged fool.
Close your eyes, whisper your goodbyes.
The world doesn’t cry for each angel that dies.

- p. winter

He didn't love me.
He loved the way I danced to our favourite songs.
He didn't love me.
He loved the curious way I admired simple fish in the pond.
He didn't love me.
He loved the way I frowned when I knew I was wrong.
He didn't love me.
Right?
He couldn't have.
Because that would make me a monster.
To see his hopeful heart
And leave him nonetheless.
He didn't love me.
He didn't love me.
Dear God
Please tell me
He didn't love me.

- p. winter

I was a rose
I was beautiful
I ripped off a petal for you every day.
But when all that remained
Was my thornēd stem
You gave her my blood red bouquet.

- p. winter