She talks like she knows a leprechaun
that blows bubbles
and cuts his toe nails in the cheese
whenever you leave the
refrigerator closed long enough.

He talks like he wants to know what she's thinking
but the sounds that come out are from a bad relationship
that she's over and he tries to paint it in the air
but the trails are more like explosions and
his hair is too clean for it to be his.


She looks like wet pictures on the roof
held by at least four inches of melting snow
that she can't touch with her bare skin
because she knows how easily things can change.

He looks like he wants to kiss her
but he knows it will ruin her lip stick.

If darkness is absolute,
then I will hold you forever.

My heart is beating so fast
that it's hard to tell how long it's been,
since the taste of our kiss
began to eat away at my lips.

My elbows are bruised
from leaning across the table,
trying to get a better look at you.

I love you, but you're filthy,
and I'd rather have you dead than crazy.

I want to feel you tremble beneath my skin,
and I want you to hum me a lullaby.

My phone broke
and my voice cracked,
there's no hope left for me.

We will listen, and cry together,
because we’re full of hesitation.
and you’re my inspiration.

to you
the moon
doesn't compare
to the light
which you shine
sending beauty
goosebumps
along my spine
spreading outward
through my being
you might
hold me
in your sight
tickle me
late at night
or sing a song
that burns in flames
the brightest light
honeybee
afraid of heights
lets move together
one step at a time
again with rhyme
I'm feeling fine
holding laughter
in my mind
love is inspirational
often the bind
makes it hard to write
all the time we talk
no fights
bicker is a trickster
spoiling and lime
sour spouting out
moving on
we leave doubt
say goodbye
to the star crushing ruckus
that we both know will
**** us
if the communication
is faithless
the words will remain wasted
tasteless in it's darkness
it's love we need to harness
to stay pure
to be raw
to be true
in all you do
we share not one side
but learn from the other
three dimensions of soft flesh
you take away my breath
so good morning and good evening
here's to believing
let's keep dreaming

He grabbed at the fat on her legs with his tongue,
and his teeth.
He was going to devour her,
like the dinner she made earlier.
All he thought about was ***,
his friends all called him, "Caveman".
It turned her on
(especially when he left the lights on).
She was obsessed with the heat,
in her room, in the kitchen.
When he cut off the circulation on her wrist,
it made marks,
(she loved them).

I want to melt into the speakers
dance in the fibers of the fabric
that layers the plastic,
like a small child would with make-up
at the age of seven,
there's no such thing as too much,

Never a chance to remember,
all the time in the world to forget,
everything is perfectly fast:
in the moment.

Imagine living like that,
the sting of a bee on a young girls foot,
the screams
and the tears running down her confused face,
her eyes ask questions to the sky,
to her foot,
to the crushed remains of what caused her so much pain.

Then,
the kiss of a freshly peeled band-aid,
almost as soft as a mothers kiss,
almost as soothing as her cold hand on your forehead,
almost as sweet as the lullaby she would sing before you'd drift.

Always trying to fall asleep with your eyes open,
trying to catch every last inch of the sky,
counting the stars through the ceiling,
slowly falling asleep
without even realizing:
you're waking up.

I'm so glad that
I don't
gotta worry
about no one
but me.

something rang in my mind
came to find, soon you'll see
                        that I just don't
got the time
                                  to rewind
to recognize the trace
of another nostalgic smell
when the sun through the window
heats my flesh,
all I know is
                      it's morning.

the lonesome rising
                                  feels heavy
starting the day
                            ready to shut down
closing you out
removing all doubt
that this confidence
will only commence
while communicating
without speech,
                            without sound.

the words once spoken
retreated, too often, repeated.
misconstrued and misconducted
no more pieces, reconstructed.

verbalization once was key
yet now it's plain and clear to see
actions speak volumes,
heights in which words
will never reach.

no more explaining,

I'm sick
of the preaching
the controlling
confuse for teaching.

words are a tool
best used to enhance
or clarify
any given situation.

I'm so glad that
I don't
gotta worry
about no one
but me.

Keep myself safe
in my head,
empty bed,
no more dread.

Today,
I'm no more alive
than I am dead.

there were days she talked too much,
she
looked
so
good
when
she'd
just
be quiet.

brilliance has judgment
unsure of what's too far.
must slow
to a crawl
push your nose
to the ground
close your eyes
drop your limbs
eat cement.

it's early
my voice is harsh
the words come
easier than you do
but there is much
more venom
than that of a
snake.

you're a pearl in
my food
seeping through
my skin
you've brightened my day
all crimson in ways more than natural
and I try not to pay attention to the thoughts that
come without warning, without real meaning,
just striking with sharp teeth
the people that I love, it's always harder when you don't realize you're doing it.
instinct.
thrashing.
inside.
my.
veins.

I'll dance faster
shed some weight
remove myself
return myself
recycle myself
and weigh my actions
through heavy stones
and heavy lids
impossible to lift.

like butterfly caskets
or thin skin you clung
across when you saw how
fast it was expanding,
hide your fear
and they wont look for you
hide your beauty
and they wont look at you
just be you
and you'll be the one looking
because the hunt is far better
than being the prey.

to be the prey is a lamb's chase
and just in case you forget to
bring rope, I've got some tangles
you can hold onto. my heart veins,
they're solid and flowing with the stimulation
of snow.
white,
cold and fresh.
soft,
mold-able.
flesh,
I can't control myself.
warmth,
I'm buried, you're a carrier of shovels,
you dig me big
holes. put
yourself
in them.

feel the exasperation  of waking up
waking upwakingup waking
up but you're falling, up,
waking, up, and you're hallucinating
because your REM is still rolling, and
you're waking, just
waiting to release, to release,
to release
release.

you're in my heart
over the phone
trying to find ways
not to be alone
yet your tone has me ringing
and I want to take back what I said
because I don't know what the words I say are really meaning.

you've paid for me
no attention
simply pocket change
limitations.

not every word that breathes through me is recent,
or so much relevant as lessons.
some insights bury themselves, but I'm digging through what feels like sand.
I find it's better to live
and enjoy.
wait for the rain, and the drought, and the dry cracked peeling
to reveal what takes a second look, because one is not enough,
and if you only read it once, it wont carve into your skin,
you've got to scratch with the same tone as fluid movement
to understand the unbreakable stare of closeness that our flesh takes.

torture is peace
when your future will wait
for you to ripen from the core out.

alright, your skin hangs,
your lips lift, your eyes speak
and you stutter.
I am fallen.
I hang from an arm that learned how to reach
and I'm going to try and focus on the free fall
rather than the few seconds before I hit the ground.
you sound out feelings,
almost embarrassing to watch the pictures they create.

a light shown through in the darkness
and was burned into my memory,
useful if I wanted to see further.
blinding at first sight.

revolving!
rotating in my thoughts
if you fall over the edge, I can't catch you
but I'll let you share the ledge where I so delicately hang.

the bark
in my peeling
is revealing
what I'd rather hide

what's inside?
something sweet
yet not a bite

what's on your mind?
held in your mouth
please spell it out

share with your lips
not just in a kiss
what's in your heart
as I tear apart
my present from my past
to move forward at last

I have come to you
and long
to take you
caress you
undress you from within
and return you to my heart

***** ashes
In a pile of roses
Petals
I am falling
Twisting and turning
Yearning for affection
While whispering that I want to be alone
Not sure which to hone
I'm trying to remember words
That make me feel at home
Although I forget
I will not regret
Time spent thinking

The hole is so small,
I'm not sure your key would fit.
I guess we could try and jiggle it in,
I just hope your key doesn't break.

that would be horrible.

Tough break, my love
you can't shake my love.
It's just a bullet, you can take it,
try and bite without leaving a mark
so that your thoughts don't send too far.
Off in the distance there's a sky room,
you keep showing me the light
and I can't help but walk behind it.
The way we match is blinding.

I fall into holes, it's easy enough for you,
pull me out.
My reasons are
stretching out,
further in the morning,
to cycle through my head all day.
You're my sweetness, my fear.
A subtle lust filling me with wonder,
this trust sends me under in a race
with my bones
against your bones.

Share your temptations
and stop them.

A rejection of phrases you use to define yourself,
you're too distracted with trying to fix the
constantly breaking other parts of what you're made of to look inside.
Just open your eyes!

You must have two hearts,
you devil,
you charm.
You must be hiding something
and protecting something
and wondering.
How much longer till this ship tips, breaks forward and flips?
there you are
thrashing in the water
and you kick
and carry and sink
and hold your breath
and feel yourself
being
dragged
down
by
precious cargo you won't dismiss.

Do you dare recognize your own happiness
and the extended prolonging of it?
Or follow orders and swim while you're drowning
in the darkness to find the shore you scream for?

painful to see you
can't hold back my grinding teeth,
striking again and
I'm shocked at myself for not being
honest about the
gravel I chew in your presence.
wondering if I was
ready and pushing myself harder
to try to see you.

all of what I desired so painfully
is suddenly open armed and wanting
me back, won't leave me alone about
it. pouring out your heart now will
only hurt you more, for all that I am
refuses to move anywhere but forward.

you say you want to move forward
and to do so with me, and that you
will let go of the memories, and yet
that is all your soul seems to pour.
all your pen seems to shoot out and
the second I tell you a no instead of a
maybe, you go home and write about
how ****** up I am. Yet when I was
willing to still ******* I was some
sort of goddess. you were "honored"
by my presence. now it seems that
because I am my own person and I
wish to explore whatever excites me
after drowning in my love for you.
hating myself for feeling like I couldn't
live without you, or that love, and
constantly being another object you
could use at your leisure. *******.

everyone makes mistakes.
I made a big one and you made
small ones constantly.
I was going to be calm with the
words I spoke
for you did the same thing I did to you
with someone you claimed to love
who you loved and had been with
for 3 times longer than we've even
known each other.

the more time that goes by since I ripped your heart out
the more I wonder if we ever really knew each other in the first place
the more I see who you really are without the blinding curtain of love
the more time that had gone by since you ripped my heart out,
without even realizing it.
the more time I spent repairing it and returning it to you,
and again, the cycle continued until I physically attacked myself.

"my heart is so raw I think it forgot how to break"

I'm going to be free. I'm not going to dwell.
You said you wouldn't and you're happy and you've moved on,
perhaps it was all a lie you told yourself, perhaps it is true, but
if you don't stop writing **** about me,
then I'll just slam my pen back at you.

better to be silent
than say words
that are brittle
and break
under the
weight
of their meaning.

existing without living
waking and breathing
in short spurts of pain
too ***** to be touched
picked and scabbing
bleeding into dinner
kissing into sleep
choking
pushed away
love this is not
lust preserves the rot
my heart's in a knot
if only I was taught

I see myself best when outside myself,
too deep into thought and the ruts become unavoidable.

life is good.

I have a persistent existence

there are echoes in his shadowed clouds
thunder and rain drops falling from the sky
he says he loves me
but I dare not ask why

I share my dreams
so detailed it seems

they're made up things

he has seen me lie
so I tell the truth

until it echoes
   e c h  o   e   s
like how my eyelids open

to the sound of thunder
to the sounds of my mistakes

he shakes the wake of my existence
holds no pride in his resistance

teaches me to be true
in all that I do

even when

staying up late nights
I explain to him what it is I write
regretting nothing
forgiving fights

the words mean more than nothing
because
the confusion of our illusions
that we can't believe in
drop like rain
they drop like rain

singing pain in the untold thoughts
that mean more
than the washed up shore
that had tidal waves
(untold graves)  
seashells sea ringing
(the hells are singing)

so don't stop bringing
your music, your art
the love we have
not yet torn apart

keep playing
keep singing
love bringing

your heart
creates art

I've just met you and already I've seen too much,
too much and not enough all at once and I can
only wish you the best with all that will follow.

Distance from all you've known is approaching,
but love and knowledge will hold you close.
Not only your own love but the love of your family and friends and the people you will meet on your journey.

Love holds no judgment, or grudges.
Love simply gives you the room to experience
and will never turn away.

A spark was caught in your wick
and has grown into a flame,
that very spark lit the pathway in which you have been following
since your soul connected with another's: each others.
You two beautiful people have found something indescribable,
yet all who surround you can feel the happiness in which it creates.

Your brain asks questions,
so you reply, “I haven't been around much lately.”
as soon as plans set in
                 you want to do all the things you were offered before,
                 that didn't seem particularly enchanting previously.
I've been here before though, it's a self-fulfilled prophecy
I've seen each moment before the moment I live out catches me,
with a face, baffled,
pretending it hadn't seen it coming,
                     planned it coming,
because that's the way I happen to sort things out.

It's easier to think while distracted,
I'd much rather focus on a handful of sequence
than distract myself from what's important.

a flame I dare not light
stares back at me
such as the moon above me
looking back at me
past me and through me
through with me
the one you used to know
but look back to see
that's no longer me
both all the things you loved
and hated when we dated

dreading taking me to public places
I can see why now
I've seen for a while now
how you want to just do it
not teach me how
furl your brow
curling me now
unfurling me
show me
that you want to get to know me
say something
say something
don't ghost me you heathen
fighting your demons
as you are cheap
rotten, cheating
stealing my innocence
my breathing
getting choppy
as you're getting messy
clumsy fingers to the strings
slapping away
slapping me away
didn't want me either way
not tomorrow
never today
left a letter
never sent
don't know where the **** it went
just felt bent and broke harder
burnt charocal burns hotter
as my skin melts on the grill tonight
you're really grilling me, alright?
did you think I forgot the fights?
late nights
arguing
until you kissed me goodnight

I've been feeling like I'm home alone,
but there are these projections of memories
that are haunting me like ghosts.

It hurts to know that someone might love you,
but there's nothing you can do to make them admit it,
and while you wait you grow more and more apathetic.

I'm not trying to tell the future,
but there's always room for me to try and read your mind,
even if you're afraid to understand how you feel.

If I kept screaming in your face you might listen,
but there are too many things I need to translate for you,
and I'm tired of being somewhere that no one wants me.

My inspiration has been on vacation,
broken heart stole my aspirations.

Anything better than this.
Is there?
Anything better than this.

summers seduction returns
with burning rays of light.
I find my resonance with night
has been reawakened as I can
roam the streets without the tease of winters chill.

my bike and I have had somewhat of a falling out
yet I feel the urge to grip the bars
and pedal until my breath beats
me for the lack of it, and my legs
turn to jelly from the unfamiliarity.

standing on the edge of a bridge
meet me before I jump.

I've got to get out of this apartment.
the carpet is too clean, I have to take off my shoes.

company? nope.

I'll drowned out the music
with fingers in my ears
head under water, trying not to float.

grass stains
I need to run away.

contact? nope.

trip me up,
cut me loose,
keep me cute.

mmmm.

all I need to say.

mmmm.

maybe/
                I shouldn't stop caring.

but it's so much less deadly
than jumping in front of
your
bullets.

things I need to say:
it's         about the words.
       not

teeth curled over lips
'I see.'
              'I don't think now's a good time to talk.'
'The neighbors will be back in an hour.'
                                                          ­                       'It's okay.'
'We'll all be dead by then.'


this isn't us.
(the television was turned up too loud for anyone to fall asleep.
   a hangover turning on a leather couch.
    "I need my jacket to go home.")

I wonder if you moved
because you could feel
us breathing at the same
pace, or if you understood
my heartbeat.

the past:
memories.

cut:

with emotion.

I bet we could make
some money if we
learned to strip:
that all away.

Coffee, Cigarettes,
freeways and bees
Sitting outside
beneath the trees
All sun
No breeze
Still thinking that my heart
might freeze

I woke up this morning
Wanting to cry
Wishing I could write
Living a lie

Unsure
Back and forth
I'm a pendulum
In a storm
Swinging
Back and forth

It's easier to stare at the people you want to be
than to actually work towards being the person
that they're so carefully showing off.

Just like pretending to listen to the dribble
slowly pouring out of the attention seeking addict,
and daydream about kissing
or having them say what you want to hear
rather than whatever it is you're avoiding.

Calling people names, all the while forgetting yours.
There's always that hesitant moment before you respond,
like a woman who learned the wrong names of colors
and she still can't get them right, even after six shots,
shots to her head, too many blows,
there's something about her, she's too sweet.

I've been spending the past year awkwardly avoiding eye contact
and very (almost too) comfortably  staring at a (wo)man's crotch.
My vocabulary seems to be shrinking as I dump out all the silly words
and try to avoid the ones you can't say infront of kids.
It's not like I can use the ones that are supposed to mean something,
those are all used up, and I'm not one to follow the mainstream,
I'm not even a fish.

Nothing could be worse
than waking up with your eyes sewn shut
from an ex-lover
with bad grammar
and a horrible taste in music.
From an ex-lover
that you still think about
but you don't know why.

Nothing can be worse
than a chunk of sour apple
logged in your throat,
in a room full of armless people
with no names,
(which wouldn't matter if they did
because they wouldn't be able to help
anyway).

Nothing will be worse
than trying to examine yourself
under a microscope,
with everyone you ever knew
watching and laughing.
Staring at you like an animal.

Nothing was worse
than saying goodbye
ten days before you left,
ignoring your calls,
your knocks,
your notes.

Nothing is worse than falling out of love.

"Girls are supposed to be
  soft and sweet."

"What if I want to be
  rough and ****?"

"Why not both?"

"Fear." and silence.

Too afraid to ever love another.
Let me run away from anything
stable, comfortable, or promising.
I must admit, I feel like ****,
no matter how much I crave it
the commitment sinks into me
crushing my very will to survive.
The only way to escape
is to stop.

//no. no. no. no.//

don't forget me
no longer facing
         lies
no
       never yours
forever yours
//lies

//stop. stop.

I can't get enough
of your *******
I can't get enough
of those lips, hips...
eyes

ENOUGH

never enough
come closer
let's touch
/breaking up

I'm too much

You wouldn't believe
how much effort I put into
shaving my left knee.

It's impossible to breathe
at this height,
but I'd rather not
fall asleep.

My skin is moist
with conversation,
and sticky sweet
from an earlier time.

Strange,
it's barely a memory now.

The looks I got
when my skin started melting,
only if you knew,
or understood.

The words slurred
from everyones noise holes:
calm.

When I noticed one
of the lights were out,
I felt like apologizing,
or leaving; but I didn't.

I never do,
it's just not appealing
enough.

Even if I started screaming,
or threw away my barriers,
it wouldn't change anything.
I'd still be a slave
to dusty ambitions,
a slave to my heart.

Some attempts proved them
to be worthy,
but the faults ruined
so much more.

Truth isn't
as scary as it seems,
the hurt only stings
for a little while.

nothing comes to mind any more
everything goes and moves faster
too fast to catch, an unavoidable crash
we've clashed and separated, broken
another love for another life
whether we were ever friends
is the question
even though you prayed, "friends forever"

silence discomforts the demons within you
so you hum and sing and talk about nothing
to collapse whatever comfort my angels live in
you'd rather see me withering, wilted
so much beauty in death! so much beauty...

I tap my teeth together, click
I clench my jaw, tick tick
I clench my fist, thick tricks....
lying again, you're lying again
and I cry in your presence
salt water spelling out "stop this"
I bite my lips when I wanna kiss

tortured souls with tender hearts
can't mend one if the other is falling apart

black coffee walks alone
closed eyes, avoiding signs
holding love in back pockets
cracking open pens, drink ink
blink: sunlight! it's blinding,
and alright, but I much perfer
darkness.
                so many calls that make me
feel small. I don't know what to say,
so I hang up, and hang myself in the
backyard to dry, afraid you might catch
my scent, and run away.
                                        you taste like
flowers, feel the way my lungs do when
it's hard to breathe, feel the way my ears
do when I struggle to hear the mumbled
mess of what you wouldn't dare say straight
forward.
              I saw you coming, felt you coming,
lost you, lost myself, removed the sheets,
found someone else. To remove myself,
you hoped, I hope it helped.
                                             bagged in plastic
styrafoam cups, luke warm, but you're warmer.
a charmer, heart farmer.
                                        Welcome home, please
make sure if you leave, it's somewhere better.

I found myself crooked,
splayed for you to take.

No longer contorted,
comfortably displayed,
after baked .

blackberry blackout.
                                   there's only room for two
                                   inside the better half of what's left.
break downs on blacktops.
                       she held together what she saw falling apart
                       taking pity on the fool.
bringing blades to dinner parties.
       search the medicine cabinets: they're rich.
we're not supposed to be listening
or hearing
or wearing
                  all these secrets in the open
stop
pointing out the stains on my shirt: they don't mean a thing.

As time goes by I will only love you more
and more
(this is a water-based reflection: touch it with both hands, and feet.
  hell, stick your head under and feel yourself sink).
As time goes by
I will only miss you more
            
and more.
       shares: of silly strings
of silly things like... losing your marbles!
right before the most important moment of your (teenage) life.

shape me like you did yourself
                 teach me to read before breakfast
it's your morning, it's your moment
reach for it (you don't have to).

it's easy to get caught in a moment:
so *******.

brown, black and white
pebbles of...
dirt scattering across.
the kitchen floor,
liquid silver...
call it Mercury,
watch it bolt from room to room.

bullets...
maybe twenty,
down the hallway.
past the stairs.
one more step.
maybe twenty...
pebbles
of
brown,
and
black and white
dirt.

red... moldable clay
and
you'll feel home.
and
you'll feel
***** as a bullet
shooting through
your eye socket.

Mercury takes morning
by storm, spreads out
and stretches...
stretches so far moons
are consumed,
as is the day,
and soon.

it will be you.

Stumbling through the streets
I say, "yes, thank you and more, please,"
Until I'm home.
Don't want to be alone
With this pain I own
Yet here I am
And so it will be

The bruises, the thoughts and the feelings:
I can't explain.

The reasons:
your fingers through my shirt
beneath my skin,
inside my brain
wrapped around my mind.

The thought of not seeing you,
the sights that appeal to you,
all the things that disolve in you.

A bubble bath:
you and a stranger
both your hands
under water:

Something soft:
you're after,
nothing new
just skin.

She screams in perfect paragraphs,
chewing on pencils
she told me she was mine,
and I didn't believe her much.

The geometry of our bodies
forming equations
telling us
how to look at the stars
how to learn something new
and apply it to what we
don't understand
but won't forget.

we want to be forgiven
      we want to be special
            we want to be fearless
we: is a loose term
             loose change
and as heavy as cat fights.
I saw you today. All I could do was hope
         that you would skin your knees.
walking home: I made sure to keep my eyes open.

I can feel your spine through the storm,
It's like we're screaming at each other with our bodies.
my nose is clogged with *******
and it's spilling out of my ******* into my child's mouth.

The radiation is burning away our love,
and the nitrates are making my scalp bleed
with images of your face.

It's torture.

My veins are bulging,
threatening to explode
and drain my heart
of its only obsession.

Addiction has always been a threat,
but at least it kept us warm,
if only for a little while.

I cannot resist
when a movement
for a kiss
granted me a soft touch
from his sweet lips.
when I am an inch
from his finger tips
stretching out
and intertwined
together better
than hip to hip
(baby making *******).
my mind couldn't create
anything greater than this,
he's something to miss,
no gaze better than his.

Thinking that someone loves you is better than nothing,
but what people don't realize is that it was all pokes at jokes
and I bet he smokes,
or knows I do
and doesn't like the smell,
or the way I breathe out,
or how the rings come from my mouth
and are never on my fingers.

And I have paper cuts on those same fingers
that want to be in your hair,
and your body,
(all of it),
and I hope you want them there,
because that's exactly where they'll be
if we ever meet.

The dirt buried in my prints
will leave marks on you like a million hands and feet,
drenched in paint and smeared over your temple.

I bet you don't care what I look like,
or that I have a Van Gough pin,
or that people like to write my name.
I'm glad you like to listen,
and that you're smooth with words,
so I can fall asleep to the sound of your golden text.

I never thought I would like an arial view,
or that I would fall in love with strings of it
all laced together into a perfect fabric,
(or web).

I hope that you're not allergic to sound,
or jelly beans,
because I want to see you cry and smile at the same time.

keeping together through poetry
not running, but walking, home
the Fall is not so much as a leap
as a gentle floating from Summer
the Heat searing shut wounds
from the bitter chill of
Winter's thrusts,
broken trusts,
tucked guts,
now spreading out in gusts
of feeling in the wind,
the chill of Winter
returning, in tickles
down my spine, my sides,
curling, I twist, and hide.

is ju,st an exc:us:e
to a"voi"d using
punct. u.at!on
cor. rect.
ly

;)

thoughts about the perv.
who is he, why does he
come out with a drink
in his hand, around his band
can barely stand but he's hitting
on each woman that he perceives
to have such low self-esteem
as to take him home with her
that night he got punched
kicked and spat in the face
no drinks were poured
(too expensive,
     and he was a wasted
                                    waste of $7.50)

blanketed in white
skin. that shadow
creeps me out of
my own. it's you
that burns through
gazes, not me. I
burn through pages,
in wrinkles written
with pen. loose grip
on water, I slip into
habits a little too big
for me and it's the same
as being held as a child.
when the distance grew
as I did, my underarms
began to ache, that familiar
fear of being picked up. taller still,
I am, standing in a pit that raises
to my knee caps.

I'm often caught trying
to keep my roots warm
while my face melts.

another one!
another one!
another one?
YES!

these are the days that remind me of you
look where we are! standing right in front of each other
wondering if it'll ever be enough, I want it to be.

pink background that turns my eyes black, shows my skin
how to shrink close to my bones, shows my insides how to
expand and layer and peel, repeate old habits, accept all.
Say, Yes! yes always to all ways because the barriers of love
are insecurities easily torn down in the moments before sleep
and release.

I'll let you go, watch you sink
ring myself out, bring my concentration out in a wet handful of your saliva
stick my tongue out for you to catch, flap it around in a white line of purity
based around my neck: inhalations!

destruction of self-pity
here we go again!
here we go for the first time: together.
bunches of banana colored lace
you're tangled
           so cute
                       it's stupid.

cracking my knuckles in anticipation
I want to make love in the streets
make love to myself, and make love
to people I don't know.

silence and reading
and testing and cheating
my vocabulary is reaching out across the dinner table
looking for something your laughter will reply to.

all my portals are open in your innocence
and removing age, removing space
some one who feels horrible for ignorance: silence
I'll fill those holes, create my own
so you're not alone.
problemsproblemsprob
lemsproblemspro
blemsproblem
s. blemishes,
redish and sore
soarsoresoar
so
our
truths
revealed
with the lights off
and the moon brighter than the sun
and not at all blinding, I'm howling and
you're glowing and what I would give to
have that tug kiss jump pull run and hide.

I hold you         closer
                         (in thought). you're a dream (a memory).
alone: you are my bedroom criticism.
I hate: when you're afraid to kiss me
(with pickles on my breath) "I hate you"
you     in the same exhaustion
             as walking up stairs.  
give me confidence
give me pudding
             tell me secrets
             tell me lies
show me hunger
show me face (your face)
               buried under the sheets
               hidden in shadow, laying in snow.
vinegar's ringing. pick up.
                                      "I'm not good at this." (your shadow)
"It's morning, what are you planning to say?"  "Can we do this another time?"
                                      "I'm not good at this."
vinegar's tired.
                                            hang up.

I stared at you for hours                "I don't know what to say."
"you're beautiful when you                don't know what to say."
                                        "make me laugh."
the things you said: "please" "go to sleep"
                                                                ­  I'll tell you more tomorrow.

reflection time
and there aren't any clean cups.

welcome back my friends!
with broken gates
my mouth's agape
                                 and shut.
because I only left when you did
and then some how some of us came back

We're making eye contact and I feel
so
human
            so raw
                       want to crawl back towards the jar,
take a gulp, ten more. hmmm, what is this? (not water)
let me slump, let me jump, let me shake, let me do what I do.
your accurate occupancy  is full to the brim,
take a sip before you flip like a fish out of water,
we're opposites in the like and the like get's us goodness.

today has no bounds.