I have heard many people use sayings to comfort in loss.
They were brighter and couldn't burn as long.
It was for the best or it was meant to be.
No I don't buy into that!
It is hideously wrong for a child to die hours old in a parents arms. There is no solace or words of wisdom as it is being cheated.
I cannot imagine my friends loss tonight or the love they had for their baby girl trapped within them. Unable to share it.
I seldom cry, but tears rolled down my cheeks.
I know not what to say to them.

Tonight I was painting my dads garden planters. I built them for him last year. At 85 he is too old to bend down to ground level. So I decided to raise his garden up three feet. Now he has immense pleasure in being able to garden again. While I was painting away listening to music he came out with a cuppa. I was listening to Rachmaninoff. His 2nd piano concerto. I love it. Dad used to play it to us when I was a child. Brings so many good memories back. He stood listening and said that's beautiful who is it. At that point I thought how cruel growing old is. One of his favourite pieces of music and he didn't recognise it. I was about to say come on pops you must know this then I saw the look in his eyes. As though he was in his youth hearing this masterpiece for the very first time. His mind decades in the past. At the end he raved about it. I said what it was and he processed the thoughts and said yes I have it played by the man hinself on an LP. Then tells me John Barry used it in the Movie Somewhere in Time. His brain now full speed ahead.
We have good days and bad days in lifes journey. Dad and I have had to many bad ones of late.
But I learned something from him again tonight. Always remember ..
We are all just somewhere in time.
Use that time wisely.

I sat drinking wine
The world oblivious to our presence, save for a curious Fox.
He stood watching little red ridding hood and the wolf.
They missed the sunset, yet the moon's rise over the twin towers and laughter seemed far more precious.
They watched a lone star over a village and joked that the three wise men wouldn't turn up there!
I looked in her eyes and saw so much love.
I also saw so much sadness.
It was as though I had known her a lifetime yet met a stranger.
I just wanted to tell her it would all be ok.
I doubt she would have believed me.
Then as though they had done something wrong they  packed up the remnants of a feast and headed for Home
That was a night to remember

Life is a game some say
Well games have rules don't they?
Do we simply play with people?
With or against?
Is that the all of our existence?
Do we try to win?
Win what? Love? Money? Position? Just what?
In doing so, with each win, we loose.
To believe different reveals a fool.
The best we can ever hope to achieve is life without fear.
Fear of loss, hunger, poverty, loneliness, hurt and emotions many.
Be it selfishly of with others empathy.
Know when you play this game, and roll the dice, move your piece, change your position in this life.
Tell your story, play YOUR game, choose a side or shy away.
Remember this and this alone.
The game will end, when is beyond your control.
All you have done, achieved, lost or found, loved, desired, or craved, wanted or needed, shouted or screamed for or just remained silent over.
It's all gone, because this was never your game
We're only players each the same
Rolling the dice
Again and again
Again
And
Again

I once commented upon the pants ******* rollercoaster ride that is life
Someone said "What you consider important today, will not be a priority tomorrow"
Tell that to a cancer patient
A parent whos child is bullied
A lover who finds texts on their partners phone
A child who looses a parent..
Maybe we were on a different ride in a different car after all

At the end of all our wars and conflicts, when the last bomb is dropped, the last bullet fired, and the last man is left standing the victor, know one thing.
He is already dead...

I have been blamed for rain and blamed for snow
Told I was wrong for doing as I am told
Why is it so hot, oh why is it so cold!
Don't touch me, but I need someone to hold
It's raining again, it isn't my fault
Your hairs gone frizzy and ruined the night out
Shall we just get a cart or a glass box on wheels?
So you can be perfect in all seasons reveals
Throw down the mirror and the perfect facade
You think that people can't see inside?
Angry and twisted a corkscrew heart
So blame everyone for all of your woes
See how that works when you are alone

All the things that are to die for
Are what generally **** us in the end
Alcohol
Tobacco
Sugar
Love
Justice
Truth
Some quickly
Some slowley
Most by our own hand

Love doesn't fall apart as it ages
It isn't like a building but none the less needs maintenance
We often strangle it with expectation or smother its voice.
It isn't alive and yet we must feed it.
It has no conscience and yet we scold it with angry words.
It has no substance at all and yet can be poisoned.
There is no structure to it, no plan.
Though we treat it as a building, a temple or shrine.
It collapses without a sound but the screams are deafening.
When love is done it doesn't walk away like a wounded animal to die alone.
It is euthanized by some, executed by others but always killed by one.
So what of love, Is it real
Is it yours or mine or ours?
Is it stolen, loaned or cheated?
However you obtain it remember to nurture it or like any living thing...
It will die.

I feel as though I have been undone
One cell at a time
An erosion of myself
Like a child pulling a thread watching a scarf disappear into a long ruffled length of wool
It has some memory of its previous form like DNA
Each morning when I wake, I feel like that ball of wool has been re knitted but never the same
It is as though my emotions have been re configured