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Months later as I ponder over all
that you were right about,
and all that I was right about, too,
I can’t help but wonder how
two people
that were so right could be so wrong.

After shamelessly dissecting each waking moment
from the first time I saw you across that crowded restaurant
to our series of wrestling matches and late night talks regarding our pasts
and the future that awaited us,
to the last time I bitterly, with tear-filled eyes, shook your hand goodbye,
I’ve concluded that everything said
was of the utmost truth
(with a few exceptions, of course)
and that your love for me was more genuine than most.
So why is it that I am asking myself this question for the
hundredth time
as I sit on my balcony watching the sun rise to the tips of the
dead, filemot colored hills after another
sleepless night?

Maybe we were too right.
Like two pieces of a puzzle that fit too tightly to be a match
no matter how hard you try to squeeze them together.
One always overpowering the other.
And so back we’re thrown into the vast pile of pieces,
perhaps finding each other again,
but never truly fitting until we realize that
maybe we weren’t so right after all.
You're like orange juice and toothpaste
Flavours that are pleasant
Enjoyable even, each in their own moment
But then they're colliding
Like the faces of your personality
Rushed mornings, teeth first and juice second
Conversations with you
An intolerable taste
Ruining both moments, all moments
I'm pretty sure I dislike you
 Jan 2014 Pearls of White
Lotte
The way my eyes water when I laugh too much
And how I snort unexpectedly and blush

The little beauty spot I have just above my lip
And the one on my shoulder and that random one just above my belly button

The smell of my perfume
Of the cigarettes I pretend not to smoke and the conditioner I use

The way my voice whistles like a kettle when angry
And the way I speak at 90 miles an hour when I'm upset

My frame wrapped within and dwarfed within your embrace
Protecting me from the world like a father protects his daughter

The way I wolf down my food, like I've never been fed
And the way amongst chaos of house mess, I know the location of every item

The intensity between us when we met
The intensity between us when you left

You will forget me
The words refuse to leave my mouth,
but I cannot deny the truth,
as I lay alone, miserable in my own bed

Sadness wraps around me like a blanket
my arms are tight around my pillow,
but they limp with sorrow,
as they crave your presence

"Do not speak"
I won't; I do fear the demons that will leave my mouth
My stubborn tongue should obey my brain,
just this once

I am hopeless as lay in bed and,
Miss the sleep I desperately need
You remain oblivious and deaf to my despair
 Jan 2014 Pearls of White
Lotte
When the wind blows from the front,
You'll feel the nostalgia,
Hear the hustle and bustle of fishermen,
Crunching cockle shells under their boots,
Smell the sweet smelling tobacco from pipes,
The toil and hardwork heavy in the air.

Knocking you from the moment,
A faked tan man with a chihuahua,
Hear the cackle of faked laughter,
Clattering of stilletto heels upon cobbles,
Smell the alcohol laced ***** spilling from mouths,
The fruits of labour heavy in the air.
I’m drunk, and only getting drunker
Like the days ahead are only getting darker
Please don’t let the lights go out

If you see this, I am speaking to you
Directly to YOU
Yes YOU!
I want you to know I forgive you
I want to forgive myself
But I never do
I love you
More than I love me
And some days I wish I never met you
That I could reach into my brain
And pull the strands of you out
So many bits of memory
And then forget you

Look at me
I am a mess
I am anxiety
I am the unfolded clothing shoved in drawers
I am the dust you can’t reach on the ceilings of your mind
I am the galaxy born from the disastrous explosions in your eyes
I am the first love
I am the park bench you last saw me on
I am an embrace after twenty years gone by
I am the funeral that buries all emotion
I am what keeps you from being okay

Play it
Play the song
Hear it
Ringing
Bit by bit
In your ear
In your heart
Beating
Humming
Singing
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