can i destroy myself in you

"After we die the only real thing left of us, the only real fragment of the person that we were, is not the children we had, not the pictures taken of us, not the random trinkets we gathered over our lives–it's what we wrote down, what we said about ourselves. That lives and breathes. That speaks beyond our lips to say at any moment after, just as we were in that moment. Writing then is the very serious work of living. It is the chronicling and preserving of ourselves–it is the task of immortality.

And like all such tasks it ultimately fails. Only, it fails more accurately."

darling(you don't know it)but i got a mouth
a mouth that you'd like, like it would like you
O, how it(you) would like it would make you

                          my mouth

like an Ocean, darling,
                                                an Ocean, darling,

scalloped in muscles alight, darling, tightening
and untightening, darling, my mouth would
make a Sea of you, darling, it would make you
gilt in writhing wafts of sweat, darling, it would
fleck you in the thickest lather of pleasure it would
('tween your coyest thighs)whip thee into a fervent
tumult, darling, you don't know it(but I got a mouth)

like cool with a cigarette suspended
between
                lips

hangs off the cute blot
of *******
in a hotel room
                              )her

tongue

                    that a

               stud interposes

             ,

feels like rolling static
                                       with a black eye


                                        (on bruised knees)

Her is




                          some




    some drowsy

myst of being;            a





palpable drift




of



white white white sleeeeeeeep,




from the curt
lips of
dark waters                    



with tense sheen
of dull light



she fits
she slips


1 pill somnambulant


through drunk
through dowsed
coils in scarlet




laying
laying
laying



(in xanadu


           where




k  u   b  la          kh        a              n


a



                ­ s



                  t



                              a




t­               ely




p lea s ur edom edid de c
                                            
                                                r
                                               

                                 e
                                     


                                                e

little blackblue
little blackblue
so nicely
so sweetly
(beneath our surfaces)
bloom
like a  rose

paint us
with
our hurts
(so others may see them)

we
wear our pain
on
our skin

drink dreams
rushing with flowers

(somewhere


alone

and with gin   ) carefully

intercoursing with females
and speaks coursing with
hares a lark and suddenly

it is winter

(into who barely he fits himself)

a radian–and spring.

you                                    r
crimson; instrument
(beat
beneath) bone
i'd
like 2
call
its environs
my                                      n      e       w
home

brief fragile eternity
you are amongst the heaped postures of my thoughts
and if idle i idly return

as in my bed or car(any placid grain
revolve to fore and captivate largely
my anxious floating fingers

             of)my mind

bursting on your slippery

            

                                                                                   forever

fainter ever miles spreads ever fainter
ever farther miles of cool darkness
unfurl fainter colours ever fainter colours
ever deeper darkness ever darker deeper
darkness
                     and fathoms

                                                 and fathoms

                        ever

which does rain a lot but rather sometimes nicely also sun giddy for legs arms napes slender fat new old is eaten and lovely for a bit is virginal a young girl like pink with a short skirt purple tights flats and a smile from across the room I'd like to get into for about 4 weeks raining sunny and smiling : April

if you're've been the aching

the

occasionally slender

drawl mouth

of

p
e
r
h
a
p
s                                                             :


've you become
my hands
beneath
the
ta
b
l
e                                                             in


a tired
cafe´









                                                                                                                                (t
                                                                                                                             uck
                                                                                                                          ed in
                                                                                                                      to the s
                                                                                                                                 e
                                                                                                                                a,




                 "sunlighttreesyourhandsandgodbetweenitallyourhips"


                                                                .

bright house
are you clean, bright house?your eaves
are heavy bright house
they are full of ivy
they are full of silence, dark vines
and on their bellies only pale leaves
and on their bellies only creep over you
bright house you are full of silence
and you creep with whiteness
you are soft as nothing
and you are thick with ivy

and are you clean?bright house

my HAND)
                    a drink
                                loudly
                                         was
                                    there
                                          cut
                                       by
                                         a slight
                                  wedge
                                         of
                                             lime
                                    it had
                                       also
                                    a sharp
                                        blade
                                     of
                                       mint
                                   in
                                        it
                                   ,a gawking
                                 boy sat
                               with
                                 his
                                         lover
                                  in
                              round
                                     *******
                                 fit
                                    his
                                eyes
                                     music
                                 complaining
                               and
                                     "the bass
                                    is too loud"
                                 she
                                      looked
                                 like
                                         spit
                                       heaving
                                  and
                                           a
                                      SIGH

there is a shape you are
the shape of a
cool
cool river
on a hothothot
summer summer

summer summer
day
day
day
day

(liquid cool;crystal between
the heap of your femurs
there is a tight tight
song of inside           ) i can and can you

hear
the slow and droop
of your crystal body
twinged with the caressed
lance of
awful day     (Let's Night) .


there is beach out there i have been to in the summer with you let's go

this makes sleeping,
inside your slender,
the beginning song of life:

my lip;
the shoving of sudden fur;
your own quaking;
and the collapsed nerve.

and the each new little thing of it
(ever day)
makes life in smooth jolts.

love as a woman,
who wears within,
our love in something

very alive,
quickly with 10 fingers
10 toes and grows
inside that hive
where my love as flesh
has lingers.

thinking often finding myself
in music mostly writhing
a distinct sound of children
in the abrupt open nook
of night timidly splayed
i am mostly myself
when i have been me
finding thinking often myself

in fairest spring,I,

         standing

    interposed

              twixt

     lightanddarkness

feel

         Raw

            fragile



                invulnerable

Summer, it's been how long – uoy neeb, Summer? since
last time
i was inside you,

Summer.how
long low dry
in your intense
dull fragrance
,Summer , has

there been the
tranquil riven
deepening purple
of very supple
twilight,                               Summer?

the hair you are is very shining
between the creased heaving
of your ******* Summer; it
droops a slow slung leaving

of breath

of breathe/breathing.


Summer i can't do you think there are and how many nights inside you
their quick quick hands between the course prickle of wincing darkness
shingled with the tiny digging of pale spades?

(i do not know)

i will live occasionally until there are no more nights inside you
and i, cloaked in the able dirt of dying earth, the moist splinter of my body

quick   quicker

than any night passed inside you since the last time i was

and longer


longer



than

the low the low low

black blackness

of steep steep steep dark.

O, earth your heart
i(init),plant,1 seed:

my heart,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

rooting splendidly
between your lungs

does breath an ultimate
lily whom i pull to my
chest from out your
pale shoulders it marvels
on **** imperfect beating

(the stiff impossible soil
forget me in it
when last finally
all motion ceases)but till then              ,               hang me in your lips

hulking radiant fragrant lips
i will be a god in you
and whisper terrifically
your name in even immensest
consuming stillness(and the grass will eat of me; and i will be a garden    !
                                                                                                                                   '
                                                                                                                                      ,
          
                                                                                                                                                '
                                                                                                                                                
                            
                                                                                                                                                  ,
                                                                                                                                                             ,
                                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                                                '
                                                                  



                                                                                                                                                                       .

by spaded hand
the cloven earth
receives the root
a seed and weeps
a new flower with
fragile completely
petals that in even
meekest shooking
bend
           and

                     fractures

"I've done a lot of ****** up ****." She said, quickly pushing the needle into her hip.

of hand, precariously clutched, a heart; demure or pulsing angles richly scarlet. a rose, petals unbent open breathing. to thee, a promise, of hands(my hands. swear them and their means. my lady softly you are grace and everything...

h

      U

     n
       g with

just the moon your
shoulders up hold
the round round
round head of

your

                                      body
            ­                          bodyy
                                 ­     bodyyy


holds the down *******
of your naked chest's
white hilt springs
between round rounding
head of
your shoulders' point
pinnacle, pinnacling
at the white white hilt
of Your neck

fit fits ****
(droop obliquely)
swelling twixts
the rude triangle
of your hips
                      hips
                              hip­s(


and the white hilt
of your neck
blunders
with
the course forest of my hand
suddenly grown around it                     )

grown up it the
pillar of it to
the neat neat       neat neat

***** of your mouth. There

h
a
n
g
s

the yawning chasm

where
all throats
lead to
. Scream

.                                               the only thing we have to fear is apathy

i am really good at can get inside
your voice and neck

i can get louder

and louder

i can perspire from thy breast

              A RoSE

and follows after scarlet hips
stem, thorns, the parting of
petals from come and more

louder and louder say, "yes":
a stem that's thorn follows
into parted petals, your voice
and neck gets louder and

louder

gets

"The only reason I haven't committed suicide is because I'm terrified of death."

i think you are beautiful
(and why not?) the sea
is beautiful

(as like your eyes(
where between they reach:

(somewhere dark)

somewhere wet.

spouted
                                  of the                                 cruel
                                                                             SOIL

       a dandy         lion          is:

          

                           P!OOf)

the body wanted hurts
itf
ee
  l
    s like in the morning stretched

hard to creep

too creep it feels hard
amongst a mile of cotton
and the stubble
of a clefted heaving

risky are you little summerspring

          ?wetbetween and eager for


(legs and fingers)

ivory, littlesummerspring, are you

and soft as

smooooooth as

long little summerspring spread

cherry and pink

cherryandpink little summerspring




                                                                                                                                                          




                                                                                                                                                              (and wet)

If I remember correctly there was, eating into the rough and big of a quiet and unsnowed languid mountain, a road neatly where trodden a boy and girl (all day) who came to the body of a lake in the last wisp of summer gently amorous of their shoulders suffused a wreathe of light on bough and stem. Gentler, still, who even than irrelevantly brushed their limbs in copper and beaded dew of striving youth. I, if I remember correctly, was a boy who in a summer one time, by the body of lake, knew a girl. who said,

                                                                                                                                                                   she loved him.

FIRST:


i could say i have lived

(i have lived
and i could say)i have


SECOND:

i am myself(i am not myself).

i walk.
i walk and i am not myself.

i walk and the world becomes around me;
becomes neat around me (i walk).

each leaf of me parts. i am myself. i am not myself.



THIRD:

A boy.

A boy is me (i walk).

A boy is me i walk and each leaf of me parts becoming.

Parts becoming and leaves.

each instant less, and more.
each instant less and more.

each instant.



FOURTH:

i walk and by the way do you know me?

do you know me(?) and by the way i am boy.


i walk each breath of me parts the world becomes me around neatly it does part around me each breath and i walk.





FIFTH:

i walk. and do you know me?


i walk (and do you know me?)



i walk.

Sum Mer

summer

sum yer

summer thick you
your rind
is splendid
to break

by teeth eagerly
your juice                    (sweet juice

                                            soft juice

                                               coy juice )

it letting
runs so hotly neat

in rills instantly
it clings
to limb and brow

it rolls
it comes out of fair and crisply dying spring
a girl it comes

in short hair
and exactly fraying light

its cherry lush
(from where ardent boyish grinning gush)
is youth sharp in fragrant muss

(and too like would i
in there a bit to tiny die

amongst er thighs a comely playing
i'll a joust of lust to fill their splaying

       )in June time
           a coffee
              and its girl
             were
          they
             and
           i

i will die and because of you (i won't)
if you should happen to find this
(because) then, if you would please
read it; dead i might though be (of you
alive more) distinctly breathing not
awhisper nor a wisp of breath from
un(reading)eyes

                                  (this)

when i die there will a star
(wade out)
from my lips
into darkness
and it shall                  burst

it will part

and from its parting

tumbleshall

the sky quick with gold
and sleeping will flowers
touch lightly the etching
that shimmers and boiling
pollen with will mingle
in babbeling and hushed
coloures

within thy white
thy flesh hath fold,
where fingereds tight
and girl is told.

for some reason:

stars moon sun

and

?why

for nothing as i can tell

save pretty

which is nice but

why and stars should moonsun

bright differently heaven

my hands are in you

my taste and my ***

you feel wetter  tight and

why

o open me quiet

         –in–

more completely my
very closed.

that such
,of tightest whiteness,
spreads cooly

parts ethereally

the quirky mystery
of empty rooms
behind nice doors

(where every sleeping is awake
amongst such nothing so big
eats totally the quick figment of
a thought faster

than breath                                   )





.So let's small?

a rankling note of 1st light
lazyed through the rush of blinds
slowly
or my window was
it was
outside
drooping everywhere                            ,
                                       winter

i do not know a word
having only written i
can only say i do not know
how to read or a poem
perhaps in a book
where i thought i did
was a dream of
words and poems
amongst men
who know words
but only i can say
i do not know a word

You stand very close to me I can
feel the heat from your skin it leaches
into my skin I am breathing (smallly)
your breaths as you are smallly
breathing mine my hand accidentally
touches your hand I'm (not) sorry I
wonder are you sorry I touched your
hand very close to my hand and I
would like to touch it I would like to
taste you between the near wetness of
your lips and drink the fair vial of your
health I wonder why do you stand so
close to me I hope it's because you
want to accidentally touch me 2.

T'what

death do i owe this living:
hot kissed sweating backs of knees the lick of tired grass drab waves of summer moonlight laughing outside a bar hands full of mouth eyes ******* and constantly the droll hammer of absurd youth


                             ?



(Portland was like that)


hung flesh
with the hot flush
of freshly ******
girllips

;

because i don't know why, the stars.
purred furiously with sky
deep with purple and ambrosia

came the licked in dawn
of orange and white husk
split at the collar–
leaking black wine
rain and occasionally


love

say terribly walks thighnicely shaped through immutable seconds into a hard tepid bar
and there i am because why not and she sounds a bit like a star sounds from her throat
coughs a few spangles onto the counter and she's sharp shortly cut dark and on her
face is deeply thick a scarlet splinter of love for which my mouth wants to pluck out
and push into my face till it hurts so lovely with noblood and splayed over hours
of laughing and outside to a car stumbles mirth in tight skin and against the side of
it at the nape of a soft street puddles every drop of her neck and explodes

.































































­













     "You might be a vegan, but I swear your skin is milk poured into the careful shape of your body."


























































­

























.

at that your, unstartled completely, without
hesitation because hips
                                          (an electric fire; inside me)


                       SPRings

to my lips
that fleetly depart
my face to be
where they are longing
to incise
the placid unhaired
of your

                             between thighs
                             velvet forever
                             notch

.




















































                                              "I just want you to know, I care about you a lot, ok?"














































.

you climbed
                        in the very abscess of my chest
              and in my empty

      unfurled
                         your grandest burning luscious dilating SCARLET

my wife,

you are my flesh,
within your flesh:


            (my son)

who sleeps within you.

i love you that you are me,
and i am you;
inside your body
which sleeps beside me.

in                  me
only 1 rose
      (read heavy petals)
blistered impossibly red