I remember you
teaching me

Turning things around

I remember detention
For being cheeky
In your class

Fire and brimstone
The gates of Hell are open
He awaits me there

You insist on not looking right at us
When we stand outside the store
Cross the street as if we are dangerous
We are ghosts sleeping at your door

In this country, they say, we are free
From birth, the system cares
We can be what we want to be
Just as long as we climb the stairs

But some of us didn't climb
And our talents were wasted at school
Maybe sometime you spared us a dime
Because showing off excess is "cool"

Since we do not exist in your mind
You have probably never thought
Of these ghosts and the tragedies behind
You just focus on the things you bought

I need to ground myself
touch and feel the grass
smell the roses
for they are there

I need to ground myself
stop chasing that high, that rush
and let go
for it is time

I need to ground myself
start breathing the analogous real
and **** my avatar
before she kills me

I took it off
my red hair
because I could
it was mine to take
I took it off
and I feel good
I feel reset
set free
from the image
other people wanted to see
this way
they get to see me

My heart races
still
it hasn't come down
From its trip
adventure                                                                            
to the skies
the moon
another dimension

It races
still
It pounds
It quivers
as you reject me
deflate me
humiliate me
For thinking
For dreaming
For wishing
you wanted me
needed me
was bound to me

too

He was just an internet friend
they are not real
they said half joking
to offer some comfort
when he left

He was just an internet friend
I never got to meet him
although we planned to
we were trying to make it real
before he left

He was just an internet friend
they shook their heads
when I spoke of him as if
we had been really close
until he left

He was just an internet friend
but I miss him just as much
now that he is not around
I still cannot believe
he just left

He never knew
That I was there
Looking and wishing
To be everso near

He never knew
What I had planned
While observing so long
He would not understand

He never saw me
When I covered his face
In a sedating cloth
And dragged him to this place

He never resisted
I had given him a lot
So I might have the time
To prepare all I had got

He never knew
Until he came to his senses
Just how much I had wanted
To end my pretenses

Then he knew
How I had longed
How I had secretly yearned
How I felt that I had been wronged

Then he knew
That I would make him burn
For all that time
He had unknowingly
Made me yearn

I met her at the library

She was wandering the aisles

As usual

Browsing for a friend

It was her favourite place

But she was crying

Silently at first

She pulled out random books

Opened them and threw them

Increasingly violent

She emptied the shelves

screaming

She finally collapsed

In a pile of books

All empty

My great great grand mother
used to hum
when she made coffee
or fixed lunch
in her kitchen

She used to hum
in the garden
and while knitting
in her chair
in her living room

She used to hum
when there were no other sounds
when nobody was talking
until she could no longer knit
and so the sounds of tv
took over

My daughter bears her name
and she hums
when she plays with her toys
and when  she draws
my daughter hums, too

Still tasting it
feeling the rush
off its fill
although hours
nay! days have passed
without

Oh! The hunger
The yearning for another
taste
longing to feast
on the flesh
and the blood
visualised
in words

Starvation
days without
even drops
dripping
****** letters
onto a page
inviting to drink
days without
sentences filling
screens
like a syringe
ready
to penetrate
the soul
with the essence
of dream

I am Jeanette
I am a mother
A redhead
A wife and a daughter
A teacher
A sister
A friend

I am a graduate
A sinner
A master
An artist
A narcissist
A debitor

I am a liar
A creator
A linguist
A learner
I am a killer
An amateur
A model
A protector

I am Jeanette
I am a dragon
I am a devil
I am a woman
I am a mystery

I am Jeanette
I am a poet

I  always wear red...

Tonight I bleed
I make myself a
Dazzling crimson dress
Of blood
From random
Self-inflicted wounds

Tonight I bleed
My tears are red
From the blood spilled
When I tore your heart out
And threw it on the floor
I should have cried
Long time ago

Tonight I bleed
And I share the wounds
With you
We cut ourselves
To match
And once again feel
Connected

Tonight I bleed
My blood spills on
Treacherous paper
Dangerous paper worlds
They flood
They are destroyed

I always wear red...

As he fell into autumn
He marvelled
And smiled
Despite his fate
Her colours so stong
And her powers unreal
His hands
Still not cooled
After the fire he felt
When he reached out
To touch her hair
Under a perfect blue sky
He fell
And with the colours he faded
Into different shades
Of darkness

Volcano

As the pressure builds below
With rising levels of acidity
The waters around us show signs
Of impending doom
There are cracks at times
Sulphoric fumes too
But no one cares
as long as the plaster holds.
In time the magma builds
Like a boil the mantle explodes
In a Plinian eruption
Of petrifying pyroclastics
And lava flows
Raging and ravishing
Fertile lands
With misery and despair in its wake
As it calms down
And the lava cools
The reconstruction begins
Around the old mantle
The surface crusts again
Like a wound healing
But marked
Scarred
And the pressure builds once more
Another eruption is imminent
The mantle builds every time
Until it collapses
Into a magnificent caldera
The imploded chamber
Of an emptied magma chamber

...and what if I took it
just once
took the ticket
and let go of a day
let it pass
with my conscience flowing
my whole being dissolved
with the substance in my saliva
and the fires in my brain

And what if...
I let existence be an eruption
of emotion
and sensory floods
of fluid, fluorescent light
If I took it
would I be able to let go
and be me
again...

Slithering silently
entering
between blank spaces
of fragile fabric
of fiction
and real reacting
shivering
skin
it slips in
an idea
between dreams
daring
like an unseen hand
unanticipated
unstopped
And it floods
the mind
with irresistible
insisting
persistent
images
irrelevant to reality
but real
nonetheless

imperfect
is home
deliberately cluttered
and comfortable
so unlike mother's

The word lover

Is all

Is beautiful

Emerges on soft sheets

Gentle to touch

Soars

Takes refuge

Among plain words

Caresses

Persuades

Seduces

Haunts

Words

Dream

Activa­tes vibrant

Lucid

Imagination

Gains access to

The essence of

[   ]

we bleed
but nobody sees this
our blood is invisible
our scars go deep
but fail to surface
and attract attention
in the media
we bleed
and try to stop it
with pale green bandages
of soothing sedation
in piles of junk
impulse purchases
we bleed
and our wounds overflow
with trash
in our collective conscience
and cause clots
seisures
and re-loads
we bleed
but we refuse to die

I killed another one this week
in front of everybody
her beauty gradually faded
as I starved her
and watched her wither
at one point I regretted it
and tried to revive her
I gave her plenty
but she drowned
and left a foul smell
of decay

Still listening
For that beat
Still trying
To find
That beat
Within
So I may sleep
So I may dream
That I am awake

They grabbed me
As soon as I sat down
Twisted my arms
My thoughts
As I tried to break free
Of their pull
Lacing me up
Tying strings
Fugue stories
In and out
Of narrative concepts
Sometimes choking me
with their criss crossing narratives
their multiple voices
Forcing me
To reflect
To rediscover
Reality
In its music

I tried to resist
The noise
The web of multiple choices
Always evading inspection
Resisting interpretation
But the music
The recollection of lost textuality
Pulled me in
And tied me
In an unholy comedy
Of errors
And injustice
A farce
Like this interlaced story
We are all bound to
And tied into

the irony
in hell being hot
and churches
always cold

I saw them get on the lorry
packed with people
drunk with sunshine, sand
and salt water
smelly people
stacked like sardines
to save a little on the fare

I saw them head away
away from the beach
away from the people
let people off
suddenly
and then drive off
something was off

I saw only five people left
driving into the bush
two of them slightly confused
confused by the terrain
and that only they would remain
heading back
strangely
via the outback

I saw them stop in nowhere
putting cuffs on the man
shouting things he didn't understand
dealing blows
and kicks
that he did
one at a time

I saw the others like he did
how they treated his wife
had her beg for her life
and had him beg and cry
and beg
to let them spare her
but they all wanted to try

I saw them get in the lorry
all five of them again
heading for a small town
where they found an atm
for that one last blow
of using their credit cards
before they would let the couple go

I saw them leave
only three in the lorry
the couple were left in town
shocked and scared
in an unknown town
they had no idea
why
I saw it all

Those dark spots
had always been there
always intrigued him

He imagined them
to be islands
where he could go
in his dreams
and her white skin
would be endless beaches
in the sunlight

But they disappeared
with her
and were gone for years
he had nearly forgotten
until today

Those dark spots
appeared again
under a different light
away from the sun
and his dreams
the islands were cold
like the fluorescent light
and her lips

The sea had gone dry
like  her eyes had no tears
and they begged of him
to give them his
for old times' sake

I suppose I ought to
watch news and drama series
split in bite sizes
by commercial breaks
on television
meant to make me spend
to fit in

I suppose I ought to
read and like Fifty Shades of Grey
and buy fluffy handcuffs
or ******
with blushing cheeks
with my friends
in town
to fit in

I suppose I ought to
tend my garden
and plant pretty flowers
around a well kept lawn
with clean well groomed children
playing neatly
with their dolls
to fit in

I suppose I ought to
stop working at all times
stop writing poetry
and chatting online
with strangers
or students
to act my age
and fit in

ivory skin
did not foretell
how her touch
would burn

I  know you.
I have been watching you
For a while.
I know you want me to
And that you want me too
I can tell this from your smile.

You know me
I know you have seen me around
I am somehow always there.
Every thing you do, I have to see
I have to hear every sound
You see,  it is all because I care

I knew it all along
From the way you smiled in class
That I was meant to be your girl
Is this totally wrong?
I know you've checked out my ***
I just know that I'd rock your world.

But I have to lay low
A relation is not allowed yet
But soon,  when you graduate...
So I'm planning to take it slow
Savouring the moments we get
Until we're allowed to date.

...and yes, I am a teacher!

I weep
when no one is watching
I weep
for those I cannot save
I weep
for those who give up
I weep
because I have no power
to stop them
I weep
because I wish
I could

A swarm of flies buzzing
In the summer sun
The grass still moist
From morning drizzle
Emanating
An unreal shade of green
To contrast a perfect sky
And the pieces
Of milky white
And burgundy
Hastily scattered
In the field
Waiting to be reassembled

Behind me in line
this morning
at the local store
was a man
with a flower

I only noticed him
as I packed my groceries
but he was standing
right behind me
with his flower

He looked 60-something
and happy
maybe recently retired
and he was buying a flower
a beautiful potted lily

Just that
wrapped in sensible plastic
and he was smiling
made me smile, too

I could have killed her
easily
for a long time I just watched her
as she sat there
she had crawled in there
not realising the danger
the trap

This way I was able
to observe
with equal amounts of disgust
and scientific fascination
she was my enemy
my conscience, my shame
and I knew that

at some point
she would have to die

Oh! Let me sleep!
Let me drown
intoxicated and free
or let me crash
massively high
on sedative air


Oh! Let me sleep!
Let me dream
on seductive words
Or let me die
ingesting
your poisonous letters

Friend,

I hope that you are well
your words I have long been missing
I hope that you rather than going through Hell
some fortunate lips have been kissing

He left the stage

Quietly

But with a last

Theatrical bow

His fan body applauded

And then there was silence

He had been colossal

A god among his peers

Creating magnificent pathways

To hidden desires

And they had loved him

He had been a master

Of magical words and mirrors

An illusionist

He entered the stage

Victorious

Ready to receive his applause

But his tricks were old

And his faithful fans

were younger than his children

He had been great

But he had to leave

His words still

Echo at the Odeon

He is now art
The murderer
In Death Row
A live object
To an artist
A sinner
Sentenced to die
This is
The artwork itself

But
In exchange
He requested the artist
Help with an appeal
Which
If successful
could change
The outcome
Altogether

It did
For they won
The artwork will die
In prison
Naturally

The object will die
not
By the system
And by the artist
But by God
and then
Become food
For Helena
To complete
The work of art

Scattered beneath their faces
In happy fancy colours
Lay toys
Forgotten from yesterday's
Play
But they could not see
As their eyes were painted
******
And shut
Or focused elsewhere
Inside their private dreams
Of escaping
Their masks

I spent days
looking
reading emptiness
flipping through
page after page
of absent words
searching
certain they were there
somewhere
between the lines
among the hours
spent...

I dreamt of Columbia
of a city in the clouds
and my hands on fire
wielding powers
unimaginable

I dreamt of beauty
floating
connecting
creating pathways
for narrative

Today
I have spent my whole day
dreaming
of going back

I dreamt of Columbia
of a city in the clouds
and my hands on fire
wielding powers
unimaginable

I dreamt of beauty
floating
connecting
creating pathways
for narrative

I dreamt of towers
collapsing

Burning structures
disintegrating
crashing

I dreamt of searching
exploring
then fighting
for truth


Today, even
I have spent my whole day
dreaming
of going back

Amidst the noise
I know
I must find you, Linus
if you are lost
I must go
into your darkness, Linus
seek the flow
amidst the noise
I must bring you back

Your nouns are spread
On sheets
Of white impeccability
Attached complements provide
Detail
Description
Of beauty
Excellence
And we both inflect
Flex
Our verbs
With precision
In perfect concord
We take specific (pre)positions
Towards me
Around you
Inside
In out in out
Up
Upwards
Denying every possibility
Of negations
Conjunctions
Limitations in scope
And we end existence
In a loud
Exclamation!

I am awed
Inspired
By samples
Examples of life
Emotion and truth
Condensed
Into universal moments
Or observations
Epiphanies
In a simple form
Using language
And metaphor
To carry abundances
Of images
Or rhymes
Without spilling
Meaning
Or drowning
The audience
In elaborative
Details

Like a ghost
you're always here
the mark you left
won't disappear

I see your face
behind the screen
and sometimes later
I may dream

Your name I whisper
in the night
that you may join me
in my flight

Thus we may fly
time and again
high on the thoughts
that still remain

There was no purpose
I could fill
but that of memories in a frame
sitting there on your window sill

They wear masks
For beauty
Their faces painted white
With leaded powder
Lips and cheeks blushed
And watery eyes
They bleed
To become pale
Swallow arsenic
For that feverish blush
And they dance
In corsets
Laced up tight
So their ribs will bend
For beauty
Of cultivation

They wear masks
And they dance
To hide their nature
They wear patches
To cover up the cracks
The scars
The undesirable
real skin

perched
like a dragon
above the stairs
in the large assembly room
she watches time pass
on their faces
and with her presence
always
she tries
to change their stars